SMS Jokes , Quotes , Funny texts - Page 4

Dhassu Breakup.. One day frustrated sardar threw 6 cricket balls on his gf.. GF: "wat the hell was that?" SARDAR: "its over"....!

TODAY
T - this is an
O - opportunity to
D - do
A - a work better than
Y - yesterday

Banner In Front of a corporate office: "Drive Slowly, Don't Kill The Employees. Leave Them To Us. We Do It In A Legal Way. Regards, HR

Obama and Modi
Obama & Modi entered a chocolate store. As they were busy looking, Obama stole 3 chocolate bars. As they left the store, Obama said to Modi " Yo! Man I'm the best thief everrr, I stole 3 chocolates & no one saw me, can beat that !" Modi replied: "You wanna see something better, let's go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing" So they went to the counter and Modi said to the Shop boy: "Do you wanna see magic?" Shop boy replied: "Yes." Modi said: "Give me one chocolate bar." The shop boy gave him one, and he ate it. He asked for the second, and he ate that as well. He asked for the third, and finished that one too. The shop boy asked: "But where's the magic?" Modi replied: "Check in my friend Obama's pockets, and you'll find them." U Just CANNOT Beat Indians !

This one is an absolute killer. Wife : dont u hv simple manners....... I m speakin for hours n U keep yawning every minute. Husband : i m not yawning... I'm trying to say something !!


Worth a read! - Thinking Out of Box Many hundreds of years ago in a small Italian town, a merchant had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to the moneylender. The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the merchant’s beautiful daughter so he proposed a bargain. He said he would forgo the merchant’s debt if he could marry the daughter. Both the merchant and his daughter were horrified by the proposal. The moneylender told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty bag. The girl would then have to pick one pebble from the bag.If she picked the black pebble, she would become the moneylender’s wife and her father’s debt would be forgiven. If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father’s debt would still be forgiven. But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail. They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the merchant’s garden. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick her pebble from the bag. What would you have done if you were the girl? If you had to advise her, what would you have told her? Careful analysis would produce three possibilities: 1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble. 2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the moneylender as a cheat. 3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment. The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking. The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles. “Oh, how clumsy of me,” she said. “But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked.” Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the moneylender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an advantageous one. MORAL OF THE STORY: Most complex problems do have a solution, sometimes we have to think about them in a different way. If you liked this story… please share with friends, family and children… You might spark a thought, inspire and possibly change a life forever! Thinking "Out of Box"...

Had lunch ?
(This joke won an award for the Best Joke in a competition held in Britain) Wife : U had lunch ? Husband : ( in a fun mood ) U had lunch ? Wife : I'm asking u. Husband : I'm asking u. Wife : R u copying me ? Husband : R u copying me ? Wife : Lets go shopping. Husband : I had lunch

In a Married ladies MEETING : The host asked a question ! When did u last say I LOVE YOU to ur husbands ??One said..today.. other said... 2 days back ..someone said... 1 week back... Host said " Now, all of u send I LOVE YOU ..msg to ur husbands. Whoever gets AWESOME reply will get a SURPRISE GIFT..". Everyone sent I LOVE U msg to their husbands. After sometime, HUSBANDs replies are as below..... 1) SWEETY, is ur health condition ok.right? 2) Haven't u cooked today too? 3) Darling, R u out of balance for money given for home maintenance? 4) What the matter?? 5) R u dreaming or am I ? 6)Did u like someone's Jewelry in the function u attended today? 7) I am already tensed in Office n now u r sending msgs like this... do u have brain?? 8) How many times did I tell you not to watch those serials ?? 9) Oho..did make an accident again? 10) Should I pick kids from school today also?? and last one who won SURPRISE GIFT, msg is........ 11) who is dis sending msg frm my wife mobile dont laugh alone pass it on.

Increment
My boss installed WhatsApp and texted me "oye jokes bhej" I replied "sir pehle ye batao mera increment kab hoga" ?? Boss replied : "Mast tha !! aur bhej"

This one is ultimate American: Do you guys call your wives 'Honey' in your native language? Indian: no, we call them 'bee-bee' - they sting twice as hard as the honey bee!

This is a masterpiece.. Boss: So tell me young man, on what all occasions have you realised that you have importance in Company and company cannot function without you??? Employee : "Sir, whenever I asked for a leave".....

Darr..
After massive demand from all husbands.......... A new app called. "Darr" is launched in iphone 6..... You just say..... 'Wife'.. and it immediately closes all websites, hides all chats, shuts down all games, hide all special folders and deletes chat history! and best above all, it puts your wife's photograph as a wallpaper.

Drunk customer
3 fully drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. He told them.... "We have reached". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "thank you". The 3rd guy gave the driver a slap. The driver was shocked, thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. He asked "whats that for?". The 3rd guy replied: "Next time drive slowly"
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