SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 38

Friend 1 : What are you doing bro??

Friend 2 : Just finished Dinner with wife... and now holding Scotch...

Friend 1 : wow which... Black Label or Red Label???

Friend 2 : "Scotch Brite" kano goobe, paatre tholitha idini


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Dharam Pita... not real father.

Dharam Maa... not real mother.

Dharam Putra... not real son.

Dharam Bhai...... not real brother.

Dharam Behan... not real sister.

But how this zabardast mistake happened? Dharam PATNI... means REAL WIFE.

Pata Karo Shashtro Main Kahan Galti Huyi... !!

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5 year old boy :-
I Love u Mom.
MoM :- Awww ! I Love u Too......

16 year Old Boy :-
I Love u Mom.
MoM :- Sorry ! I Have No Money...
.
.
21year Old Boy :- I Love u Mom.
Mom :- Hmm...Kaun hai wo ? Kahan rehti hai ?
.
.
Moral : Maa Sab Janti hai.


But the Best is..


35 yr old man : mom I love you .. 
Mom : Beta pehle hi bola tha uss se shadi mat karna...


And the award winning one...

55 yr old man : Mom I love you...

Mom: Beta main kisi bhi paper par sign nahi karungi...
👌👌👌


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Message For all 40+ & 50+ people...

WHERE YOUR LIFE STANDS
HERE ON EARTH.....
IT IS LIKE NOON IN YOUR LIFE.....

Because none of us have many more years to live, optimistically we are in mid life or 2nd half of life & we can't take along anything when we go... 

Spend the money 
that should be spent,
enjoy what should be enjoyed, donate what you are able to donate, but don't leave all/much to your children or grandchildren, for you don't want them to become parasites who may be waiting for the day you will die!!

Don't worry about what will happen after we are gone,
because when we return to dust, we will feel nothing about praises or criticisms. The time to enjoy the worldly life and your hard earned wealth will be over !!!

Don't worry too much about your children, for children will have  their own destiny & should find their own way....

Don't be your children's slave.
Care for them, love them, give them gifts, but also enjoy your moments.... Enjoy your money while you can.

Life should have more to it than working from the cradle to the grave!!

40-year old like you, don't trade in your health for wealth by working yourself to an early grave anymore.
Becoz, your money may not be able to buy your health...

When to stop making money?
Or how much is enough....lakhs, crores, million, ten million...???

Out of thousand hectares of good farm land, you can consume only three quarts (of rice) daily;
Out of a thousand mansions, you only need eight square meters of space to rest at night.

One day passes without happiness, you will lose one day.
One day passes with happiness,
& then you gain one day.

In good spirit,
sickness will cure...
In a happy spirit,
sickness will cure faster..
In high & happy spirits;
sickness will never come...

Above all, learn to cherish the goodness around... and FRIENDS... They all make you feel young & "wanted".....Without them, you are 
surely to feel lost !!

Stress means the gap between expectations & reality.
More the gap, more the stress.
Expect nothing 
& accept everything....

Don't believe in Tit for Tat rule...
because we can't bite a dog who has bitten us...so don't spoil our level just to teach others..... 

Moral......
"Think twice..Act wise.."

Learn to "LET GO"....
Because You cannot have the next breath until you let go the existing one....

Read as many times  before u get into the core of it.



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🍃
पेश है एक मजेदार किस्सा 

एक बार की बात है कि एक सरदार, एक बनिये  के यहां शादी में गया।

शादी का  पंडाल बड़ा भव्य था और उसमें अंदर जाने के लिए 2 दरवाजे थे।

एक दरवाजे पर रिश्तेदार, दूसरे पर  दोस्त लिखा था। 

सरदार, बड़े फख्र से  दोस्त वाले दरवाजे से अंदर गया।

आगे फिर 2 दरवाजे थे, 
एक पर महिला, दूसरे पर  पुरुष लिखा था।

सरदार पुरुष वाले दरवाजे से अंदर गया।

वहां भी 2 दरवाजे और थे,

एक पर  गिफ्ट (gift) देने वाला, 
दूसरे पर बिना गिफ्ट (without-gift) वाले लिखा था।

सरदार को हर बार अपनी मर्जी के दरवाजे से अंदर जाने में बड़ा मजा आ रहा था | उसने ऐसा इंतजाम पहली बार देखा था |

सरदार बिना-गिफ्ट (without-gift) वाले दरवाजे से अंदर चला गया।

जब अंदर जाकर देखा तो सरदार बाहर गली में खड़ा था। 

और वहॉं  लिखा था... शर्म तो आ नहीं रही होगी, 

बनिये की शादी और मुफ्त (free) में रोटी खाएगा??? 

जा-जा बाहर जा और हवा खा..:'

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The Cow (Essay written by a candidate for entrance exam)

HE IS THE COW. 
The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he give milks, (but will do so when he is got child). He is sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilized for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. (Horses don't have any such attachment) What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species. Also his other motion.. (gober) is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes (like Pizza), in hand , and drying in the sun. Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the
mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass.His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards. He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies.

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☝One spelling mistake in hurry can make hell.. !

Husband wrote a romantic message to his wife on his official trip and missed an "e" in the last word. 
Now he is seeking police protection to enter his own house....

He wrote "Hi darling I'm experiencing the best time of my life & I wish you were her !!"

Game over !!!
====================================================

The professor showed a large cage with a male rat in it.
The rat was in the middle of the cage.

Then, the professor kept a piece of cake on side and kept a female rat on the other side.

The male rat ran towards the cake and ate it. Then, the professor changed the cake and kept some bread.
The male rat ran towards the bread.

This experiment went... on with the professor changing the food every time. 

And, every time, the male rat ran towards the food item and never towards the female rat.

Professor said:
This experiment shows that food is the greatest strength and attraction.

Then, one of the students from the back rows said:-

"Sir, why don't you change the female rat....?

She may be his wife!!"


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Technical Difference


Difference between welding and wedding ?

In welding sparks first and bonding forever, whereas in wedding there is bonding first and sparks ⚡forever

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Grandfather : when I was your age, I used to take two
rupees to the market and bring home soap, rice, milk,
bread, ghee and face powder , etc.

Grandson : nowadays it is difficult.....there are cctv
cameras everywhere

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