SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 50

Wife : Suniye.. mujhe aap ka mobile phone dena zara .. 

Husband : deta hoon.. ruko dear !!

Husband jaldi jaldi me mobile phone me ..

Delete videos..
Delete pictures ..
Delete music ..
Delete private folder ..
Delete number ..
Delete SMS ..
Delete outgoing calls ..
Delete incoming calls ..
Delete mms ..
Delete whatsapp ..
Delete ....
Delete ....
Delete ....
Delete ....
Delete ....
Delete ....
Delete ....
Delete ....

FORMAT Memory card !!

achha ye to batao.. karogi kya tum.?

Wife : mujhe time dekhana tha.. kitne baje hai abhi..

Husband : 😡😡
puchh bhi to sakti thi.. Gawaar aurat !!😅
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Wife to hubby: Darling in pictures of Shiva-Parvati, Shiva has a Trishool.
In pictures of Vishnu-Lakshmi, Vishnu has Chakra in hand and pictures of Rama-Sita, Rama has bow in hand.

But in case of Krishna-Radha, he has flute in hand. Why is this?
😳😳😳😳
Hubby: You see dear the three God's whom you mentioned first are with the wives. That is why they have weapons.
Krishna is with his girlfriend. Hence no weapons required. This shows when it comes to dealing with wives,
Even Gods need protection.😁😂😜

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Must read.....


A child's wish (A small story)
=========================
A Primary School teacher asks her pupils to write an essay 
"what wish do you want from God?" At the end of the day, the teacher 
collects all the essays given by her pupils. She takes them to her 
house, sits and marking them. while marking the essays, the teacher 
sees a strange essay written by one of her pupils. That essay made 
her very emotional. Her husband comes and sits beside her and saw 
her crying. The husband asked her wife "What happened?"
.
She answered "Read this. It is one of my pupil's essay."

"Oh God, Make me into a Television. 
I want to live like the TV in my house. 
.
In my house, the TV is very valuable. All of my family members 
sit around it. They are very interested in it.
When the TV is talking, my parents listen to it happily and calmly. 
They dont shout at the TV. They dont quarrel with the TV. 
They dont slap at the TV. So I want to become a TV. 
.
The TV is the center of attraction in my house.
I want to receive the same special care that the TV receives from 
my parents. Even when it is not working, the TV has a lot of value. 
.
When my dad and mom come home, immediately they sit 
in front of the TV, switch on it and spend hours. 
The TV is stealing the time of my dad and my mom. 
If I become a TV, they will spend their time with me.
.
While watching the TV, my parents laugh a lot and they smile 
many times. But I want my parents should laugh and smile with me.
So please make me into a TV. .
.
And last but not least, If I become a TV, surely I can make my parents 
happy and entertain them. Lord I don't ask you anything. I just want to 
live like a TV. Please make me into a TV."
.
The husband completed reading the essay. 
He said "My God, poor kid. He feels loneliness. He did not receive 
enough love and care from his parents. His parents are horrible". 
.
The eyes of the primary School teacher filled with tears. 
She looked at her husband and said "Our son wrote this essay".



*********

One day a professor entered the classroom and
asked his students to prepare for a surprise test.
They waited anxiously at their desks for the test
to begin. The professor handed out the question
paper, with the text facing down as usual. Once
he handed them all out, he asked his students to
turn the page and begin. To everyone's surprise,
there were no questions....just a black dot in the
center of the page. The professor seeing the
expression on everyone's face, told them the
following:
"I want you to write what you see there."
The students confused, got started on the
inexplicable task.
At the end of the class, the professor took all
the answer papers and started reading each one
of them aloud in front of all the students. All of
them with no exceptions, described the black
dot, trying to explain its position in the middle of
the sheet, etc. etc. etc. After all had been read,
the classroom silent, the professor began to
explain:
"I am not going to grade on you this, I just
wanted to give you something to think about. No
one wrote about the white part of the paper.
Everyone focused on the black dot - and the
same happens in our lives. We have a white
paper to observe and enjoy, but we always focus
on the dark spots. Our life is a gift given to us by
God, with love and care, and we always have
reasons to celebrate - nature renewing itself
everyday, our friends around us, the job that
provides our livelihood, the miracles we see
everyday.......
However we insist on focusing only on the dark
spots - the health issues that bother us, the lack
of money, the complicated relationship with a
family member, the disappointment with a friend
etc etc
The dark spots are very small compared to
everything we have in our lives, but they are the
ones that pollute our minds.

*********

*********

Daughters are like Parrots in the house..

When she speaks,
Speaks without a break..
& everyone says,
“Please be quite"

When she is silent,
mother says,
“Are you not feeling well"

Father says,
"Why is the house so silent"

Brother says,
"Are you angry"

and when she is married, all say,
"The happiness of the house has left"

She is the real non stop music

That's a Girl..😊

Because all the happiness starts from a girl😘

👌🍃Woman has the most unique character like salt
Her presence is never remembered...but
Her absence makes all the things tasteless !!🐾👍
👌👍👯💃👯👭 
pass it to your lovely sisters and friends😊
""" ಕಣ್ಣಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಅಲ್ಪವಾದರೂ ರಕ್ತ ಉಂಟಾ ಹಾಗಾದರೆ ಇದು ಓದಿ ಮತ್ತೆ ಚಿಂತಿಸಿ ಚಿಂತಿಸಿ ಸುಮ್ಮನೆ ಕೊರಗಬೇಡಿ  ಜೀವನದಲ್ಲಿ ಅಳವಡಿಸಿ """

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

ಗಂಡ ಹೆಂಡತಿ ಎರಡು ಮಕ್ಕಳಿರುವ ಗಲ್ಫ್ ಕುಟುಂಬ...

ಒಂದು ದಿವಸ ದುಬೈ ಪೆಸ್ಟಿವಲ್ ಗೆ ಸುತ್ತಲು ಹೋದ ಈ ಕುಟುಂಬ  ಗಂಟೆಗಟ್ಟಲೆ  ಸುತ್ತಿ ಸಂತೋಷಿಸಿದರು...

ಅದರೆಡೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ಅಲ್ಲಿನ ನೂಕುನುಗ್ಗಲಿಗೆ ಅವರ ಮಗನನ್ನು ಕಾಣುವುದಿಲ್ಲ...
ಅವರು ಅವನನ್ನು ಹುಡುಕಿ ಹುಡುಕಿ ಸಿಗದಾದಾಗ ಅವನ ತಾಯಿ ಬೊಬ್ಬೆ ಹಾಕಲು ಸುರುಮಾಡಿದರು....

ಬೊಬ್ಬೆ ಕೇಳಿ ಸಾರ್ವಜನಿಕರು ಒಟ್ಟು ಗೂಡಿದರು ಪೋಲಿಸರಿಗೆ ತಿಳಿಸಿದರು
ಪೋಲಿಸರು ಗಂಟೆಗಟ್ಟಲೆ ಹುಡುಕಿ ಹೇಗಾದರೂ ಮಗನನ್ನು ಕಂಡುಹಿಡಿದರು ಅವನನ್ನು ತಂದೆ ತಾಯಿಗೆ ಮುಟ್ಟಿಸಿದರು

ಮಗನು ಸಿಕ್ಕಿದ ಕೂಡಲೇ ಹೆಂಡತಿ  ಮತ್ತು ಮಕ್ಕಳನ್ನು ಪ್ಲಾಟಿಗೆ ಕಳುಹಿಸಿ ಗಂಡ ಟ್ರಾವಲ್ಸಿಗೆ ಹೋಗಿ ನಾಲ್ಕು ಟಿಕೆಟ್ ಬುಕ್ ಮಾಡುತ್ತಾರೆ....

ಟಿಕೆಟ್ ಕೈಯಲ್ಲಿ ಸಿಕ್ಕಿದಾಗ ಹೆಂಡತಿ ಆಶ್ಚರ್ಯದಿಂದ ಕೇಳಿದಳು
ಅಲ್ಲ ಮನುಷ್ಯಾ ನಿಮಗೇನಾಗಿದೆ...?
ಊರಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಯಾರಾದರೂ ಮರಣ ಹೊಂದಿದರಾ......?ಅವಸರದಿಂದ ಮನೆಗೆ ಹೋಗಲಿಕ್ಕೆ"......?
ಕೂಡಲೆ ಗಂಡ ಅಳುತ್ತಾ ಹೇಳಿದರು
"ಸ್ವಂತ ಮಗನನ್ನು  ಎರಡು ಗಂಟೆ ಸಮಯಕ್ಕೆ ಕಾಣಾದಾದಾಗ ನೀನು ತುಂಬಾ ಬೇಜಾರು ಮಾಡಿದೆಯಲ್ಲ....?

"" ಹಾಗಾದರೆ ನಾನು ಕಳೆದ ಹತ್ತು ವರ್ಷದಿಂದ ನಿನ್ನ ಮಾತು ಕೇಳಿ ನಾನು ಊರಿಗೆ ಹೋಗದ ಕಾರಣ  ನನ್ನನ್ನು ಒಂದು ಸಲ ನೋಡದೆ ನನ್ನ ತಾಯಿ ಎಷ್ಟು ಸರ್ತಿ ಬೇಜಾರು ಮಾಡಿರಬಹುದು "....?
ಅದಕ್ಕೆ ಅವಳ ಪ್ರತಿಕ್ರಿಯೆ ಮೌನವಾಗಿತ್ತು......

ತಂದೆ ತಾಯಿಯ ಮನಸ್ಸಿಗೆ ಘಾಸಿ ಉಂಟು ಮಾಡಿ ಯಾರು ಅಧಿಕ ಕಾಲ ಸುಖವಾಗಿ ಜೀವಿಸಿಲ್ಲ

....
ಅಧಿಕ ಜನರೂ ತಂದೆ ತಾಯಿಯರಿಗೆ ಉಪದ್ರವ ಕೊಡುವ ಕಾರಣ ಹೆಂಡತಿಯ ತಲೆದಿಂಬು ಮಂತ್ರವಾಗಿದೆ....

ನೀವು ತಂದೆ ತಾಯಿಯರನ್ನು ಪ್ರೀತಿಸುವುದಾದರೆ ಬಾಧ್ಯತೆಗಳು ನೆರವೇರಿಸುದಾದರೆ ಅವರು ಜೀವಿಸಿರುವಾಗ ಮಾಡಿರಿ...
ಮರಣ ಹೊಂದಿದರೆ ಶತ್ರು ಕೂಡ ಅಳುತ್ತಾನೆ ಮತ್ತೆ ಮಕ್ಕಳು....

👏🏻 ಇದನ್ನು ವರ್ಗಾವಣೆ (ಶೇರು)ಮಾಡುವುದಕ್ಕೆ ಜಿಪುಣತನ ತೋರದಿರಿ.

*********
ಮರಿಕಡಿಯುವ ಬಡವನೊಬ್ಬ. ಆಯಾಸಗೊಂಡು ಬಾವಿ ಬದಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಕುಳಿತ,
ಅವನ ಕೊಡಲಿ ಜಾರಿ ಬಾವಿಗೆ ಬಿತ್ತು. ಬೇಜಾರಾಗಿ ದೇವರನ್ನು ಬೇಡಿಕೊಂಡ.
ದೇವರು ಪ್ರತ್ಯಕ್ಷನಾಗಿ ಒಂದು ವಜ್ರದ ಕೊಡಲಿ ತೋರಿಸಿ "ಇದೇನಾ ನಿನ್ನ ಕೊಡಲಿ?" ಎಂದ,
'ಅಲ್ಲ' ಎಂದ ಬಡವ, ನಂತರ ಚಿನ್ನದ ಕೊಡಲಿ ತೋರಿಸಿ "ಇದೇನಾ ನಿನ್ನ ಕೊಡಲಿ?" ಎಂದ,
'ಅಲ್ಲ' ಎಂದ ಬಡವ, ನಂತರ ಹೀಗೆ ಬೆಳ್ಳಿ, ತಾಮ್ರದ ನಂತರ ಅವನ ಕಬ್ಬಿಣದ ಕೊಡಲಿ ತೋರಿಸಿದಾಗ "ಇದು ನನ್ನದು" ಎಂದ.
ದೇವರು "ಭಕ್ತಾ ನಿನ್ನ ಭಕ್ತಿಗೆ ಮೆಚ್ಚಿದೆ, ಎಲ್ಲಾ ಕೊಡಲಿಗಳನ್ನೂ ನೀನೆ ಇಟ್ಟುಕೊ" ಎಂದು ಹೇಳಿ ಮಾಯವಾದ.
ಬಡವ ಮತ್ತೊಂದು ದಿನ ಅಡವಿಗೆ ಹೊರಟ. ಈ ಬಾರಿ ಹೆಂಡತಿ ಕೂಡ ಇದ್ದಳು, ಈ ಬಾರಿ ಕೊಡಲಿಯ ಬದಲು ಹೆಂಡತಿ ಜಾರಿ ಬಾವಿಗೆ ಬಿದ್ದಳು, ಬಡವ ಮತ್ತೆ ದೇವರನ್ನು ನೆನೆದ, ದೇವರು ಪ್ರತ್ಯಕ್ಷನಾಗಿ ಮಲ್ಲಿಕಾ ಶೇರಾವತಳನ್ನು ತೋರಿಸಿ ಕೇಳಿದ "ಇವಳೇನಾ ನಿನ್ನ ಹೆಂಡ್ತಿ?", ಬಡವ ಒಮ್ಮೇಲೆ „ಹೌದು ದೇವ್ರೇ" ಅಂದುಬಿಟ್ಟ, ದೇವರಿಗೆ ಸಿಟ್ಟುಬಂದು "ಕೊಡಲಿ ವಿಷಯದಲ್ಲಿ ಇದ್ದ ನೀಯತ್ತು ಹೇಂಡ್ತ ವಿಷಯಕ್ಕೆ ಬದಲಾಯಿತಲ್ಲ ಭಕ್ತಾ" ಎಂದ. ಅದಕ್ಕೆ
ಬಡವ ಹೇಳಿದ ಅದು ಹಂಗಲ್ಲ ದೇವ್ರೇ, ನಾನೀಗ "ಈಕೆ ನನ್ನ ಹೆಂಡ್ತಿ ಅಲ್ಲ" ಅಂತೀನಿ, ನೀನು ಮತ್ತೆ ಹೋಗಿ ಪ್ರೀಯಾಂಕಾ ಚೋಪ್ರಾನ, ಆಮೇಲೆ, ರಾಖಿ ಸಾವಂತ್ ನ, ಬಿಪಾಶಾ ಬಸುನ, ಕರೀನಾ ಕಪೂರ್ ನ ಕರ್ಕೋಂಡು ಕೇಳ್ತಿಯಾ, ನಾನು ಅಲ್ಲ ಅಲ್ಲ ಅಂತಾ ಹೇಳ್ತಾ ಹೋಗ್ತೀನಿ, ಕೊನೆಗೆ ನನ್ನ ಹೆಂಡ್ತಿ ಕರ್ಕೋಂಡು ಬಂದಾಗ "ಹೌದು ಇವಳೇ" ಅಂತೀನಿ, ಆಮೇಲೆ ನೀನು "ಭಕ್ತಾ ನಿನ್ನ ಭಕ್ತಿಗೆ ಮೆಚ್ಚಿದೆ ಅಂತೇಳಿ ಎಲ್ಲರನ್ನೂ ಕರ್ಕೋಂಡು ಹೋಗು" ಅಂದ್ರೆ ಈ
ಕಾಸ್ಟಲೀ ಯುಗದಲ್ಲಿ ಅಷ್ಟೋಂದು ನಾನೆಂಗೆ ಸಾಕಲಿ"😜😜😜😜



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ಸರ್: ಭಾರತದಲ್ಲಿ
ಮೊಟ್ಟ ಮೊದಲು ಸುರಂಗಮಾರ್ಗ ಕಂಡುಹಿಡಿದವರು 
ಯಾರು???

ಗುಂಡ:-)  Hegna.
😜😜😂😜

*********

Once there was a farmer who discovered that he had
lost his watch in the farm. It was not an ordinary watch
because it had
sentimental value for him.
After searching the hay for a long while, he gave up
and call the help of a group of children playing outside the barn.
He promised them that, the person who found it, would
be rewarded.
Hearing this, the children hurried inside the barn, went
through and around the hay but still could not find the
watch. Just when the farmer was about to give up
looking for his watch, a little boy went up to him and
asked to be given another chance.The farmer looked
at him and thought, “Why not.? After all, this kid looks
sincere enough.”
So the farmer sent the little boy back in the barn. After
a while the little boy came out with the watch in his
hand.
The farmer was happy and surprised and so he asked
the boy how he succeeded where the rest had failed.
The boy replied, “I did nothing but sit on the ground
and listen. In the silence, I heard the ticking of the
watch and just looked for it in that direction.”
MESSAGE : A Peaceful mind can think better than a
Worked up mind. Allow a few minutes of Silence to your
mind every day, and see, how sharply it helps u to set
your life the way you expect it to be.
MORAL : The soul always
knows what to do to heal
itself...
The challenge is to silence the mind…😊

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