SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 78

F-E-A-R has two meanings 
Forgot Everything And Run
Or
Face Everything And Rise 
The Choice is yours.

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जीवन मे सफल होना है तो पांच वाक्यों को कचरे के डिब्बे मे डाल दो। 

1, लोग क्या कहेंगे ? 
2, मुझसे नहीं होगा। 
3, मेरा मुड़ नही है।
4, मेरी किस्मत खराब है।
5, मेरे पास टाइम नहीं हैं।

हमेशा कहते रहिये की में सर्वश्रेष्ठ हु, में सब कुछ कर सकता हु और मेरा भगवान हमेशा मेरे साथ है।
और फिर चमत्कार देखिये।

आपका दिन मंगलमय हो। 

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Manager told a joke. Everyone in the team laughed except one guy...

Manager asks him- Didn't you understand my Joke????

The guy replied- I'm on notice period.!!

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A broken lover's emotional status on Facebook:

"Agar wo meri nahi huyi to kisi aur ki bhi nahi hone doonga...!"

152 Likes and 1 comment.

Friend's Comment: 
"Agar wo teri ho gayi to sab ki hone dega kya??!"😂

Status deleted. ..:- !!!!😂😂😂😂. . . . .

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टीचर: बेटा अगर सच्चे दिल से प्रार्थना की जाए तो वो जरूर सफल होती है।
.
पप्पू: रहने दो सर, अगर ऐसा होता तो आप मेरे सर नहीं ससुर होते।

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Law College. 

Professor: if you have to give an orange, what will you say?

Student: take this orange.

Prof: no. Tell like a lawyer.

Student: I Ramakrishna son of Satyamurthy resident of Bangalore, Karnataka do here by solemnly affirm and voluntarily and consciously declare out of my volition and without any fear or favour or pressure or undue influence that I'm giving this fruit called orange on which I have absolute right, title and interest along with its peel, juice,seed and pulp. 
I am also giving you absolute and unqualified right and interest to cut, peel,store in freeze or eat it. 
You will also have the right to give this along with its peel, juice,seed or pulp to any one whosoever.
I further declare that I will be solely responsible and liable for any dispute till today pertaining to this orange. And after this conveyance today, my relationship  with this orange will cease to exist.

Prof: My lord, where is your feet.... 

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Two Jewish men, Sid and Al, were sitting in a Indian restaurant in New York. Sid asked Al, 'Are there any Jewish people of our faith born and raised in India?'
 
Al replied, 'I don't know, let's just ask our waiter.'

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, 'Are there any Indian Jews?'

The waiter said, 'I won't be knowing, but I will ask the chef. After he returned from the kitchen a few minutes later and said, 'No sir, no Indian Jews.'
 
Al wasn't really satisfied with that and asked, 'Are you absolutely sure?'

The waiter, realizing he was dealing with 'foreigners' gave the expected answer, 'I check again,' and went back into the kitchen.
 
While the waiter was away in the kitchen, Sid said, 'I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in India. Our people are scattered everywhere.'

The waiter returned and said, 'The Chef and the Captain my boss and they all say there is no Indian Jews.'
 
'Are you certain?' Al asked once again, 'I just can't believe there are no Indian Jews!' 
  
Listen you idiots , I asked EVERYONE,' replied the frustrated waiter. 'All we have is Mango Jews, Pineapple Jews, Orange Jews, Coconut Jews & Tomato Jews!   

No Indian Jews OK!!!!!???!!

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WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?
 👍     👍     👍     👍

If swimming is a good exercise to stay FIT, why are whales FAT????
😳😳😳😳

Why is the place in a stadium where people SIT, called a STAND????
😣😣😣😣

Why is that everyone wants to go to HEAVEN,
but nobody wants to DIE????
😱😱😱😱

In our country, we have FREEDOM of SPEECH, then why do we have TELEPHONE BILLS????
😡😡😡😡

If money doesn't grow on TREES, then why do BANKS have BRANCHES?
😆😆😆😆

Why doesn't GLUE
stick to its BOTTLE????
😭😭😭😭

Why do you still call it a BUILDING, when its already BUILT????
😨😨😨😨

If it is true that we are here to HELP others, what are others HERE for????
😆😆😆😆

If you aren't supposed to DRINK and DRIVE, 
why do bars have PARKING lots????
😲😲😲😲

If all the nations in the world are in DEBT,
where did all the MONEY go????
😧😧😧😧

When dog food is new with improved TASTE, who TESTS it????
😈😈😈😈

If the "Black Box" flight recorder Is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff????
🙀🙀🙀🙀

Who copyrighted
the copyright symbol????
🙈🙈🙈🙈

Can you cry under water?
😂😭😂😭

Why do people say "You've been working like a dog," when dogs just sit around all day????
😆😆😆😆

We all are living in a seriously funny world!!!!
😝😜😆😛

So Enjoy!!!! 😊😊😊😊

Don't laugh alone pass it on.

Hope this will make you laugh and think!!!!

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😂😂😂😂
⛔DIVORCE vs. MURDER🚫
A nice, calm & respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes & said, "I'd like to buy some cyanide❗
The pharmacist asked😥 "Why in the world do you need cyanide❓
 
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband❗
 
The pharmacist's eyes😳got big & he explained, "Lord have mercy❗I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law.  I'll lose my license❗They'll throw both of us in jail❗All kinds of bad things will happen.  Absolutely not❗You CANNOT have any cyanide. Just get a divorce"❗
 
The lady reached into her purse & pulled out a picture of her husband with the pharmacist's wife.
 
The pharmacist looked at the picture & said, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription"❗❗❗
😝😝😜😜😂😂😂😆😆😆

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