SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 79

Biggest lies ever told in india..



😜Work hard and make sure you get a high score in class X. Your entire life and career depends on it.

😜Just work for 2 years in XI and XII. If you get in a good medical college/IITs/NITs/Law schools/DU etc., your life is set.

😜Start preparing for your PG/MBA/USMLE/UPSC/GRE/GMAT/GATE etc. otherwise your friend will get the job and you'll be left behind in the race. Once you're settled, you can enjoy as much as you want.


😜You're settled now and the only logical step is to get married. If you don't do it before 30, you'll be considered 'old' and your marriage prospects will diminish. You can enjoy later.


😜Since now you have kids, you need to earn more and work extra to secure their future. Your entire life is left for you to pursue your passions.

😜Now your kid is in class X and you start with the lies, all over again, thus completing the circle of life.

*********

ಈಶ್ವರ : ಪಾರ್ವತಿ... ಪಾರ್ವತಿ, ಎಲ್ಲಿ ನನ್ನ ತ್ರಿಶೂಲ.....😡😡?

ಪಾರ್ವತಿ : ನನ್ಗೆ ಏನ್ ಗೊತ್ರೀ???ಕೇಳಿ ನಿಮ್ಮಗ ಗಣೇಶನ್ನ,ಅವ್ನೇ ತೊಗೊಂಡ್ಹೋದ😒
ಈಶ್ವರ :ಯಾಕಂತೆ...???😡

ಪಾರ್ವತಿ : ಯಾರೋ ನೈವೇದ್ಯಕ್ಕೆ ''ಮ್ಯಾಗಿ'' ಇಟ್ಟಿದ್ದಾರಂತೆ....😜😜😜😜😜😂😂😂😂

*********

Murphy's First Law for Wives_:
If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

_Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation:_
The less important you are to the corporation, the more your absence is noticed.

_The Salary Axiom:_
The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

_Miller's Law of Insurance:_
Insurance covers everything except what happens.

_First Law of Living_:
As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else.

_Weiner's Law of Libraries:_
There are no answers, only cross-references.

_Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness_:
Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.

_The Grocery Bag Law:_
The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is always hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

And Here goes the last one !!

_Lampner's Law of Employment:_
When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot !

*********

ಯಾರನ್ನು ಮುಟ್ಟದ ಭಟ್ಟರು ವಿಮಾನದಲ್ಲಿ,ಗಗನಸಖಿಯನ್ನು ಮುಟ್ಟಿದರು.....
ಯಾಕೆಂದು ಕೇಳಿದ್ದಕ್ಕೆ ಅಂತರಿಕ್ಷದಲ್ಲಿ ಹುಡುಗಿಯರು ದೇವಕನ್ಯೆಗೆ ಸಮಾ ಎಂದು ಬಿಟ್ಟರು,,😀😀😀😀

ಯಾರ ಹತ್ರಾನೂ ನೀರನ್ನು ಮುಟ್ಟದ ಭಟ್ಟರು ವಿಮಾನದಲ್ಲಿ ಪೆಪ್ಸಿ-ಕೋಲಾ ಕುಡಿದು ಬಿಟ್ಟರು.... ಏಕೆಂದು ಕೇಳಿದ್ದಕ್ಕೆ  ಭೂ ಸ್ಪರ್ಶವಾಗದ ನೀರು ಅಮೃತಕ್ಕೆ ಸಮಾ ಎಂದು ಬಿಟ್ಟರು .....
😂😂😂😂

*********

Departure Instructions Note from 
Wife to Husband...

I am going to My Mom's Place for 6-7 days with kids &
These are the instructions and warning for you. . ⤵⤵⤵

1 - No need to call your friends and cousins. 
Last time I got 4 large pizza bills beneath the sofa... 🍕🍕👫👬

2 - Don't forget mobile on the soap holder in the bathroom like last time... 
Why would anyone need a mobile in the bathroom.?? 📱📱🛀🚾

3 - Keep your specs in the box.. 
Last time around it was found in the refrigerator. 👓👓

4 - Salary already paid to maid. 
No need to be extra generous. 👯👯

5 - Don't disturb neighbors early in the morning asking if they have got newspaper or not?? 
Our newspaper vendor is different from theirs.. 
And our laundry person and milkman are also different. 📰📰🏠🏠

6 - Your Underwear are on left side of wardrobe and on right side are kid's...
Like last time, don't say I was uncomfortable at work.... 🏃🏃

7 - All reports have been checked and you are alright.  
No need to go to that lady doctor again and again.  👩💉💊

8 - My sister and Bhabhi's birthdays have  gone last month which you already attended.  
No need to go to them at midnight and wish belated happy birthday.. 🎂🎁💏

9 - Have cut off WiFi for 10 days. 
So sleep early.... 😴😴😴

10 - Stop smiling and being happy... 
as Mrs. Khanna, Mrs. Avasthi, Mrs. Kulkarni, Mrs. Trivedi, Mrs. Ansari, Mrs. Rastogi, Mrs. Chatteerjee... 
They all will be out of station in this period.... 💃💃💃

And last but not the least.

11 - Don't try to be oversmart.. 
I will be back anytime 
without informing you 
👊👊👊😝😎😎😎

*********

Law of the Garbage Truck 🚛

This has to be one of the best messages I have   received because  when you sit and think about it.... It is so true!   
 
One day I hopped in a taxi and we took  off for the airport. We were driving in the  right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in  front of us.

My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded  and missed the other car by just  inches!

The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started  yelling at us.  My taxi driver just smiled and waved at  the guy. I mean, he was really friendly. 

So I asked, 'Why did you just do  that? This guy could almost ruin your car  and sent us to the hospital!'

This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'Law of the Garbage  Truck'   

He explained that many people are like  garbage trucks. They run around full of  garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointments. As and when  their  garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you.

Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move  on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to  other people at work, at home, or on the streets. The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their  day.

Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, So ... Love the people who treat you  right. Pray for the ones who don't.
 
Life is 10  %  what you make it.
 
AND
 
90 %  how you take it!
 
Have a garbage-free Life 😄😊☺💯✌👌

********* 

ಬಟ್ಟೆ ಹೊಲಿಯುವವರ ಬಳಿ ಅತಿ ಮುಖ್ಯವಾದ ಎರಡು ಉಪಕರಣಗಳಿರಲೇಬೇಕು.

ಒಂದು ಸೂಜಿ, ಇನ್ನೊಂದು ಕತ್ತರಿ. ಇವೆರಡೂ ಜೊತೆಯಲ್ಲೇ ಇರುವುದಾದರೂ ಇವೆರಡರ ಸ್ವಭಾವ ಮಾತ್ರ ವಿರುದ್ಧ.

ಕತ್ತರಿ ಬಟ್ಟೆಯನ್ನು ಕತ್ತರಿಸಿ ತುಂಡು ತುಂಡು ಮಾಡುತ್ತದೆ. ಆದರೆ ಸೂಜಿ ಆ ತುಂಡುಗಳನ್ನು ಜೋಡಿಸಿ ಒಂದುಗೂಡಿಸುತ್ತದೆ. 

ಕತ್ತರಿಗೆ ಹೋಲಿಸಿದರೆ ಸೂಜಿ ಅತಿ ಚಿಕ್ಕ ವಸ್ತು. ಸಾಮಾಜಿಕವಾಗಿ ಇದರಿಂದ ಒಂದು ನೀತಿ ಸಿಕ್ಕುತ್ತದೆ.

ಕೆಲವರು ಕತ್ತರಿಯಂತೆ ತಮಗೆ ಬೇಡವಾದುದನ್ನು ಕತ್ತರಿಸಿ ವಿಭಜಿಸುತ್ತಾರೆ. 

ಅದು ಸಮಾಜವಾಗಬಹುದು. ಸಂಸ್ಥೆಯಾಗಬಹುದು. ಸಂಸಾರವೇ ಆಗಬಹುದು. ಸ್ನೇಹವೂ ಆಗಬಹುದು. 


ಕತ್ತರಿಯ ಹರಿತಕ್ಕೆ ಒಳಗಾದವರು ದುಃಖಿಸುತ್ತಲೇ ಮತ್ತೆ ಮತ್ತೆ ತುಂಡಾಗುತ್ತಲೇ ಇರುತ್ತಾರೆ. 

ಆದರೆ ಸೂಜಿ ಚಿಕ್ಕದಾದರೂ ಕೆಲಸ ನಿಧಾನವಾದರೂ ತುಂಡಾದುದನ್ನು ಹೊಲಿದು ಜೋಡಿಸುವಂತೆ, ಸಜ್ಜನರು ವಿಭಜಿತರನ್ನು ಒಂದುಗೂಡಿಸಲು ಪ್ರಯತ್ನಿಸುತ್ತಲೇ ಇರುತ್ತಾರೆ. 

ಆದುದರಿಂದ ನಾವು ಸೂಜಿಯಂತಾಗಬೇಕು. ಕತ್ತರಿಯಂತಾಗಬಾರದು. 

ಇದೇ ಸಾಮಾಜಿಕ ನೀತಿ. 

ಇದನ್ನು ತಿಳಿದು ಬದುಕೋಣ. 

ಮನುಷ್ಯನದು ಸ್ವಂತದ್ದು ಏನಿದೆ? 

ಜನ್ಮ ಬೇರೆಯವರು ನೀಡಿದ್ದಾರೆ ..!
ಹೆಸರು ಬೇರೆಯವರು ಇಟ್ಟಿದ್ದಾರೆ.
ಶಿಕ್ಷಣ ಬೇರೆಯವರು ಕಲಿಸಿದ್ದಾರೆ..
ಕೆಲಸವು ಬೇರೆಯವರು ಕೊಟ್ಟಿದ್ದಾರೆ..
ನಾಳೆ ಸ್ಮಶಾನಕ್ಕೆ ಬೇರೆಯವರೇ ಹೊತ್ತುಕೊಂಡು ಹೋಗುತ್ತಾರೆ..! 


ಹಾಗಾದರೆ,
ವ್ಯರ್ಥ ಅಹಂಕಾರ ಏಕೆ..?
ಯಾವಾಗಲೂ ಒಳ್ಳೆಯ ಕರ್ಮದ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಯೋಚಿಸಬೇಕಲ್ಲವೇ...?

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏