SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 80

Call from a bank....

"Hello Mam". 
We are offering you credit card with best deals!!!.
1. No annual charges
2. No interest on balance for three months
3. Big credit limit
4. No penalties for over spending.


Smart reply by the lady..
" No thanks ". 
I have husband... 
1. With no lifetime charges
2. No spending limit
3. No penalties and the most important is
4. No repayment forever. 

Call was disconnected from Bank immediately 😜😄😜😄

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🇮🇳 Tricky Questions and equally witty Answers given by Candidates. ( Many of them are IAS Officers now)

❓Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
✅A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper) 
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❓Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
✅A. No time at all its already built. (UPSC 23 rd Rank Opted for IFS) 
---------------------------
❓QHow many birthdays does the average Japanese woman have?
✅A. Just one. All the others are anniversaries. 
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❓Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
✅A. Very large hands. (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS) 
---------------------------
❓Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
✅A.. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand. . (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES) 
---------------------------
❓Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
✅A. He sleeps at night. . (UPSC IAS Rank 98) 
---------------------------

❓Q. Why it is impossible to send a telegram to Washington today ?
✅A.. Because he is dead. 
---------------------------
❓Q. If you throw a blue stone into the red sea what will it become ?
✅A. It becomes wet. (UPSC IAS Rank 2) 
---------------------------
❓Q. What often falls but never gets hurt ?
✅A. Rain 
---------------------------
❓Q. What is that no man ever saw which never was but always will be?
✅A. TOMORROW 
---------------------------
❓Q.What looks like half apple?
✅A. The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper) 
---------------------------
❓Q. What can you never eat at breakfast?
✅A. Dinner. 
---------------------------
❓Q. What gets wet while drying?
✅A. A towel. 
---------------------------
❓Q. What 3 letters change a girl into a woman ?
✅A. AGE. 
---------------------------
❓Q. What happened when wheel was invented ?
✅A. It caused a revolution. 
---------------------------
❓Q. How is it easy to weigh a fish?
✅A. Because it has its own scales. 
---------------------------
❓Q. Why does a bike rest on its leg?         ✅A. Because it is too tyred. 
---------------------------
❓Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
✅A. liquid (UPSC 33Rank) 
-----------🇮🇳--------
Real brain blasters.👆

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Marwadi calls Newspaper office to print death news of his Grandpa.

Clerk: Rs.50/word

Marwadi: Grandpa Dead

Clerk: Sorry sir, Minimum 5 words... 😌

Marwadi: "Grandpa Dead, wheelchair for sale"😃😃😃😃😃😃😂😂😂

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A great relationship is about two things: 
First, appreciating the similarities, 
and 
second, respecting the differences. 😊

*********

Cellphone Etiquette 😋 

After a tiring day, a young lady settled down in her local train seat and closed her eyes. 

As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her, pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice

 "Hi Sweetheart, its Rajaram I'm on the Train"
"Yes, I know it's Six thirty and not four thirty, but I had A Long Meeting"
"No, honey, I was not with Preethi from the Accounts Office, I was with the Boss attending the meeting"
"No Sweetheart,
 You're the only one in My life"
"Yes, I'm sure dear".

Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly. When the Young Woman sitting next to him had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone,
 "Rajaram darling, hang up the phone and come back to bed."

Now, Rajaram is back from hospital and doesn't use his cell phone in Public Any Longer.
😂😂😜😜😜

Keep Smiling

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A women saw 3 saints in front of her house. And she was not knowing any of them. 

Women said – 
“kindly come inside and have food”

Saint replied – "is your husband inside the house? ”

Women – “no, he has gone out”

Saint –“will come inside the house only when he has come”

In the evening the woman's husband comes home and she tells the complete story about the saints. 

Husband – “go and tell them I have come home and invite them inside the house.”

Women went out and called the saints inside the house. 

Saint said – “we all dont go inside anyones house together. ”

“but why?” – women asked

One of the saint replied – “my name is wealth” 

Then he pointed  to other saints and said –
“these two saints names are prosperity and love"

Only one of us can come inside your house! 

"U go in and discuss with your family and decide which saint you want to invite ”

Women went inside and told all this to her husband. 

Her husband became too excited

And said –“if this is the matter then let us invite wealth! Our house will be filled with happiness”

Wife – “I feel we should invite prosperity”

Their daughter was in the next room , she was listening to all this discussions.  She came close to them and said – 
“I feel we should invite love. Beside love nothing is important”

“you are  right, we should invite love only” – her parents agreed.

Women went out and asked saints – 
“Between you all who is love please come inside the house”

Love started walking towards the house!  

Other two saints started following love. 

The surprised women asked the saints – 
“i only invited love then why you two are coming inside the house?”

One of the saint replied – “if you had invited prosperity or wealth, then only that particular saint would have entered your house. 

But you have invited love! 

Love never walks alone, 
Where ever  love is, there is always prosperity and wealth. They all go hand in hand. 

Read this story once , twice or thrice

If you like it stay with love, 

Spread love, give love and take love. 

As love is the only secret to success !!

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In 1892 at Stanford University, an 18-year-old student was struggling to pay his fees. He was an orphan, and not knowing where to turn for money, he came up with a bright idea. He and a friend decided to host a musical concert on campus to raise money for their education.

They reached out to the great pianist Ignacy J. Paderewski. His manager demanded a guaranteed fee of $2000 for the piano recital. A deal was struck and the boys began to work to make the concert a success.
The big day arrived. But unfortunately, they had not managed to sell enough tickets. The total collection was only $1600. Disappointed, they went to Paderewski and explained their plight. They gave him the entire $1600, plus a cheque for the balance $400. They promised to honour the cheque at the soonest possible.

“No,” said Paderewski. “This is not acceptable.” He tore up the cheque, returned the $1600 and told the two boys: “Here’s the $1600. Please deduct whatever expenses you have incurred. Keep the money you need for your fees. And just give me whatever is left”. The boys were surprised, and thanked him profusely.
It was a small act of kindness. But it clearly marked out Paderewski as a great human being.
Why should he help two people he did not even know? We all come across situations like these in our lives. And most of us only think “If I help them, what would happen to me?” The truly great people think, “If I don’t help them, what will happen to them?” They don’t do it expecting something in return. They do it because they feel it’s the right thing to do.

Paderewski later went on to become the Prime Minister of Poland. He was a great leader, but unfortunately when the World War began, Poland was ravaged. There were more than 1.5 million people starving in his country, and no money to feed them. Paderewski did not know where to turn for help. He reached out to the US Food and Relief Administration for help.
He heard there was a man called Herbert Hoover — who later went on to become the US President. Hoover agreed to help and quickly shipped tons of food grains to feed the starving Polish people.
A calamity was averted. Paderewski was relieved. 

He decided to go across to meet Hoover and personally thank him. When Paderewski began to thank Hoover for his noble gesture, Hoover quickly interjected and said, “You shouldn’t be thanking me Mr. Prime Minister. You may not remember this, but several years ago, you helped two young students go through college. I was one of them.”

The world is a wonderful place. What goes around comes around. Please help others to the best of your ability. In the long run you may be helping yourself. God never forgets anyone who sows a good seed in other people, never.  

Nothing in nature lives for itself. Rivers don't drink their own water. Trees don't eat their own fruit. Sun doesn't give heat for itself. Flowers don't spread fragrance for themselves. Living for others is the rule of nature. And therein lies the secret of living. 

If you find this useful please pass it on.