SMS Jokes , funny text shares , Humour , Witty quotes , Greetings - Part 86

*Types of Ladies*

Technically there are 7 TYPES OF LADIES:


1. *HARD DISK lady*: Remembers everything forever.

2. *RAM lady*: Forgets about you the moment you leave.

3. *SCREENSAVER lady*: Just for looking.

4. *INTERNET lady*: Difficult to access.

5. *SERVER lady*: Always busy when needed 

6. *MULTIMEDIA lady*: Looks beautiful but you can only look.

7. *VIRUS lady*: This type of lady is normally called *WIFE*, once enters your system, never leaves even if the system is formatted.

😝😝

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ಪತ್ನಿ: - ನನ್ನ ಕೂದಲು ನೆರೆಯಾಗುತ್ತಿದೆ ..
.ವಾಟ್ ಶುಡ್ ಐ ಡು   ??
ಪತಿ: -ವೈ  ಡೋಂಟ್  ಯು  "ಡೈ" ??😜😜
A lady failed the driving test 4 times. At the fifth attempt, she was determined to pass. But the test had the same question : "You are driving at 120mph. On your right is a wall, on your left is a cliff. On the road, you see a old man and a young man. What will you hit ?". The woman walked up to the examiner and said, "I've answered this question in all four ways, wall, cliff, young man, old man. Yet I failed all the four times. How is this possible? What am I supposed to hit ????"






Examiner : *"The brakes!!!"*

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DOCTOR: why did you take your Medicine at 6 am yet I told you 9 am..?

PATIENT: I wanted to surprise the Bacteria..

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A ನಿದು ಪ್ರಪಂಚದಲ್ಲಿ
B ಹೇವಿಯರ್ ಸರಿಯಿಲ್ಲ
C ರಿವಂತರಿಗೆ ಸೆನ್ಸ್ ಯಿಲ್ಲ
D ಗ್ರೀ ಮಾಡಿದರೂ ಪ್ರಯೋಜನವಿಲ್ಲ
E ngineering ಮಾಡೋನಾಂದ್ರೆ
F uture ಇಲ್ಲ
G ವನದಲ್ಲಿ ಜಿಗುಪ್ಸೆಯಾಗಿದೆ
H ಆಗಿರುವ ಜನಸಂಖ್ಯೆಯಲ್ಲಿ
I ಯೋ ಅನ್ನೋರಿಲ್ಲ
J ail ಗೆ ಹೋಗೋಣಾಂದ್ರೆ
K D ಗಳ ಸಾಮ್ರಾಜ್ಯ
L ಹೋದ್ರು ಬೇಜಾರು
M oney ಇಲ್ಲ ಅಂದ್ರೆ
N ನ್ನಂತವರಿಗೆ ಜಾಗವಿಲ್ಲ
O ಬ್ಬನೆ ಇರೋಣಂದ್ರೆ ಬೇಜಾರ್
P icture ಗೆ ಹೋಗಾಣಾಂದ್ರೆ
Q ನಲ್ಲಿ ನಿಲ್ಕಕ್ಕಾಗಲ್ಲ
R ಮಿಗೆ ಸೇರೋಣಾಂದ್ರೆ
S ಕೇಪ್ ಅಗೋಕಾಗಲ್ಲ
T V ನೋಡೋಣಾಂದ್ರೆ
U seless ಅಂತಾರೆ
V ಚಿತ್ರವಾದ
W orld ನಲ್ಲಿ
X ಪಿರಿಯೆನ್ಸಯಿಲ್ಲ
Y man?ಅನ್ನೊರಿಲ್ಲ
Z oo ನಲ್ಲಿರುವ ಪ್ರಾಣಿಯಂತಿರುವ ಮನುಷ್ಯ ...........?

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Never make  women cry...There is nothing more expensive than a female tear💧 When a single drop  comes out, it first mixes with 'Loreal' eyeliner (Rs.650)&👀 'Dior' mascara (Rs.2500)...😝Then when it rolls down the cheek,😥 it mixes with 'D&G' blusher (Rs.2500)...😱 😊& finally when it touches the lips,👄 it gets mixed with 'Maybelline' lipstick (Rs.850)...💄 This means that a single drop is ruining  Rs.6000.....
Pls don't make them cry....😂😈😄 Issued in public interest & especially married guys..😜

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A Construction Supervisor from 16th Floor of a Building was calling a Worker on Ground Floor.

Because of noise
the Worker
did not hear his Call.

To draw Attention,
the Supervisor threw a 10 Rupee Note
in Front of Worker.

He picked up the Note, put it in His Pocket &
Continued to Work.

Again to Draw Attention the Supervisor threw 500 Rupee Note & the Worker did the same,

Now the Supervisor picked a small Stone & threw on the Worker.

The Stone hit the Worker.

This time the Worker looked Up &
the Supervisor Communicated with Him.
.
.
This Story is same as to our 'LIFE'...

God wants to Communicate with Us,
but We are Busy doing our Worldly Jobs.

Then, he gives Us Small Gifts & Big Gifts......
We just keep them without looking from Where We Got it.
We are the Same.
Just keeping the gifts
without Thanking him, 
We just say
We are LUCKY.

And when we are Hit with a Small Stone, which We call PROBLEMS,
then only We look Up & Communicate with him.
Thats why it is said. .....
He gives, gives and forgives 
And
We get, get and forget.......

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We all love Sardar jokes. My friend told me about the following incident which I wish to share with you. It has had a deep impact on my thinking.

During the last vacation, few friends came to Delhi . They rented a taxi for local sight-seeing. The driver was an old Sardar and boys being boys, these pals began cracking Sardarji jokes, just to tease the old man. But to their surprise, the fellow remained unperturbed..

At the end of the sight-seeing, they paid the cab hire charges. The Sardar returned the change, but he gave each one of them one rupee extra and said, ''Sons, since morning you have been telling Sardarji jokes. I listened to them all and let me tell you, some of them were in bad taste. Still, I don't mind coz I know that you are young blood and are yet to see the world. But I have one request. I am giving you one rupee each. Give it to the first Sardar beggar that you come across in this or any other city !!!"

My friend continued, "That one rupee coin is still with me. I couldn't find a single Sardar begging anywhere."

👻MORAL:
The secret behind their universal success is their willingness to do any job with utmost dedication and pride. A Sardar will drive a truck or set up a roadside garage or a dhaba, run a fruit juice stall, take up small time carpentry, ... but he will never beg on the streets 

Because Sikhs contribute: 

* 33% of total income tax
* 67% of total charities
* 45% of Indian Army 
* 59,000++ Gurudwaras serve LANGAR to 6,000,000+ people everyday! 
& 
All this when THEY make only 1.4% of the total INDIAN POPULATION.

And they don't ask for reservation.

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This story is about a person working with a freezer plant.
It was almost the day end. Everyone had packed up to check out.
A technical snag developed in the plant and he went to check.
By the time he finished it was late. The doors were sealed and the lights were off.
Trapped inside the ice plant for the night without air and light, an icy grave was almost sure for him.
Hours passed thus. Suddenly he found someone opening the door.
Was it a miracle?
The security guard entered there with a torch and helped him to come out.
On the way back the person asked the security guard, “How did you know that I was inside? Who informed you?” the guard said, “No one sir; this unit has about 50 people. But you are the only one who says Hello to me in the morning and Bye in the evening.
You had reported in morning. But did not go out. That made me suspicious.”
He never knew a small gesture of greeting someone would prove to be a lifesaver for him.
You never know - it may work a miracle in your life too.

*Education is not a degree or certificate that can be shown to others as proof. It is our attitude, actions, language and behaviour with others in real life*

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