Jokes , Fun , Haasya , Humor , Quotes , Greetings - Part 97

ಜ್ಯೋತಿಷಿ:- "ನೀವು ಗಂಡ ಹೆಂಡತಿ ದೀರ್ಘ ಕಾಲ ಒಟ್ಟಿಗೆ ಬದುಕುತ್ತೀರಿ........."

ಗಂಡ:- "ಇದಕ್ಕೆ ಪರಿಹಾರವೇನಾದರೂ ಇದೆಯೇ ಜೋಯ್ಸರೇ?😜😝

😂😂😂😂😂

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In an office:
*TOILET OUT OF ORDER...... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW*

In a Laundromat:
*AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT*

In a London department store:
*BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS*

In an office:
*WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN*

In an office:
*AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD*

Outside a secondhand shop:
*WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?*

Notice in health food shop window:
*CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS*

Spotted in a safari park:
*ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR*

Seen during a conference:
*FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR*

Notice in a farmer's field:
*THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES*.

On a repair shop door:
*WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)*

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*Love Your 'Own Beautiful Wives'*

*●Don’t shout* at your wife when you are talking. It really hurts her. 

*●Do not share* her love or affection with another woman. It is called Adultery. 

*●Never compare* your wife to another woman. If the other woman was good for you, God would have given her to you. 

*●Be gentle* and accommodating. She has sacrificed so much to be with you. It hurts her deeply when you are hash and irritating. Be tender. 

*●Hide nothing* from her. You are now one and she’s your soulmate. Let there be no secret you are keeping from her. 

*●Do not make* negative comment about her body. She risked her life and beauty to carry your babies. She is a living soul not just flesh and blood.

*●Do not let* her body determine her worth. Cherish and appreciate her even till old age.

*●Never shout* at her in the public and in private. If you have an issue to sort with her, do it in the privacy of your room. 

*●Thank and appreciate* her for taking good care of you, the kids and the house. It is a great sacrifice she is making.

*●All women* cannot cook the same way; appreciate your wife’s food. It is not easy to cook three meals a day, 365 days a year for several years. 

*●Never place* your siblings before her. She is your wife. She is one with you. She must come before your family. 

*●Make time* to play with her and enjoy her company. Remember when you are dead, she’s gonna be by your grave but your friends may be too busy to attend your funeral. 

*●Never use* money to manipulate or control her. All your money belongs to her. She is a joint heir with you of the grace of God. 

*●Do not* expose her weakness. You will be exposing yourself too. Be a shield around her.

*●Honour* her parents and be kind to her siblings. 

*●Never cease* to tell her how much you love her all the days of her life. Women are never tired of hearing that.

📝And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.

📚(Al Quran 30:21)

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Watch her eyes
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"A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman, " she told him.
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"I don't understand, " he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."
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Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"
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"All women cry for no reason, " was all his dad could say.
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The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry...
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Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked , "God , why do women cry so easily?"
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God said
"When I made the woman she had to be special.
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I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.
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I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.
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I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up , and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.
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I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances , even when her child has hurt her very badly.
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I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.
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And finally , I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."
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"You see my son , " said God , "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears , the figure that she carries , or the way she combs her hair.
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The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes , because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺
Please send this to ten beautiful women you know today. If you do , - You will boost another woman's self-esteem.
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Pass it on to men too - perhaps they will then understand "why women cry....
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Dedicated to beautiful ladies..

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*💖ತಪ್ಪು ನಿಮ್ಮ ಅನುಭವಗಳನ್ನು ಹೆಚ್ಚಿಸುತ್ತದೆ, ಅನುಭವ ನಿಮ್ಮ ತಪ್ಪುಗಳನ್ನು ಕಡಿಮೆ ಮಾಡುತ್ತದೆ ನೀವು ತಪ್ಪಿನಿಂದ ಪಾಠ ಕಲಿತರೆ ಜನ ನಿಮ್ಮ ಯಶಸ್ಸು ನೋಡಿ ಪಾಠ ಕಲೀತಾರೆ*.

*💖ಒಂದು ನಿಮಿಷದಲ್ಲಿ ಬದುಕು ಬದಲಾಗುತ್ತೆ ಅಂತ ಹೇಳೋಕಾಗಲ್ಲ, ಆದರೆ ಒಂದು ನಿಮಿಷದಲ್ಲಿ ತೆಗೆದುಕೊಂಡ ನಿರ್ಧಾರ ನಮ್ಮ ಬದುಕನ್ನು ಬದಲಾಯಿಸುತ್ತೆ*.

*💖ಒಳ್ಳೆಯ ಅವಕಾಶ ತಪ್ಪಿಹೋಯಿತೆಂದು ಯಾವತ್ತೂ ಕಣ್ಣೀರು ಹಾಕಬೇಡಿ, ಕಣ್ಣೀರು ನಿಮ್ಮ ಮುಂದಿರುವ ಅವಕಾಶವನ್ನು ಮರೆಮಾಚುತ್ತದೆ*.

*💖ನೋವು ಬಂದಾಗ ಜೀವನ ಇಷ್ಟ ಆಗುವುದಿಲ್ಲ ನಿಜ, ಆದರೆ – ಇಷ್ಟ ಆದವರು ಜೊತೆಯಾಗಿರುವಾಗ ನೋವಲ್ಲೂ ಕೂಡಾ ಏನೋ ಒಂಥರಾ ಖುಷಿ ಇರುತ್ತದೆ*.

*💖ತಪ್ಪಾಯಿತು ಎನ್ನಲು ಎಂದೂ ನಾಚಿಕೆ ಪಡಬೇಡ. ಯಾಕೆಂದರೆ ಹಾಗೆನ್ನುವುದರ ಅರ್ಥ ನಿನ್ನೆಗಿಂತ ಇಂದು ಬುದ್ಧಿ ಹೆಚ್ಚಾಗಿದೆ ಎಂದು*.

*💖ಸಂತೋಷದ ಸಮಯದಲ್ಲಿ ಚಪ್ಪಾಳೆ ಹೊಡೆಯುವ ಹತ್ತು ಬೆರಳಿಗಿಂತ, ದುಃಖದ ಸಮಯದಲ್ಲಿ ಕಣ್ಣೀರು ಒರೆಸುವ ಒಂದು ಬೆರಳು ಎಷ್ಟು ಪವಿತ್ರ ಅಲ್ವಾ*.

*💖ಜೀವನದಲ್ಲಿ ನೀನು ಗೆದ್ದರೆ ನೀನು ಯಾರೆಂದು ಎಲ್ಲರಿಗೂ ಗೊತ್ತಾಗುತ್ತದೆ. ಒಂದು ವೇಳೆ ಸೋತರೆ ನಿನ್ನವರು ಯಾರೆಂದು ನಿನಗೆ ಗೊತ್ತಾಗುತ್ತದೆ*.

*💖ಬದುಕಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಯಾರನ್ನೂ ನಂಬಬೇಡಿ. ನಿಮ್ಮ ನೆರಳನ್ನೂ ಕೂಡಾ ಯಾಕೆಂದರೆ ಸಂಜೆಯಾಗುತ್ತಲೆ ನೆರಳು ಕೂಡಾ ನಿಮ್ಮನ್ನು ಬಿಟ್ಟು ಹೋಗುತ್ತದೆ*.

*💖ನಂಬಿಕೆಗಿಂತ ಸಂದೇಹವೇ ಜಾಸ್ತಿಯಾದರೆ ಯಾವ ಸಂಬಂಧವೂ ಉಳಿಯಲ್ಲ. ಸಂದೇಹದ ನಡುವೆ ನಂಬಿಕೆ ಗಟ್ಟಿ ಆದರೆ ಯಾವ ಮನಸ್ಸೂ ಮುರಿಯಲ್ಲ*.

*💖ನಾನು ನನ್ನ ಬಲಗೈಯಲ್ಲಿ ಏನು ಬೇಕಾದರೂ ಸಾಧಿಸಬಲ್ಲೆ, ಆದರೆ ನನ್ನ ಎಡಗೈಯನ್ನು ಅಮ್ಮ ಹಿಡಿದುಕೊಂಡು ಪ್ರೋತ್ಸಾಹಿಸಿದಾಗ ಮಾತ್ರ*.

*💖ವಿಶಾಲ ಆಕಾಶವನ್ನು ಚಿಕ್ಕ ಕಣ್ಣಿನಲ್ಲೇ ನೋಡಬಹುದು. ಆದರೆ ಒಂದು ಒಳ್ಳೆ ಹೃದಯವನ್ನು ನೋಡಬೇಕಾದರೆ ನಮ್ಮ ಮನಸ್ಸು ವಿಶಾಲವಾಗಿರಬೇಕು*.

*💖ಜೀವನ ಒಂದು ಸುಂದರವಾದ ರಂಗೋಲಿ. ಒಂದು ಚುಕ್ಕಿ ತಪ್ಪಿದರೂ ಹಾಳಾಗುತ್ತದೆ. ಅದಕ್ಕಾಗಿ ಜೀವನದ ಪ್ರತಿ ಹೆಜ್ಜೆಯಲ್ಲೂ ಗಮನ ಇರಲಿ*.

*💖ಬದುಕು ಟೀಚರ್‌ಗಿಂತ ತುಂಬಾ ಸ್ಟ್ರಿಕ್ಟ್. ಯಾಕೆಂದರೆ ಟೀಚರ್ ಮೊದಲು ಪಾಠ ಮಾಡಿ ನಂತರ ಪರೀಕ್ಷೆ ಮಾಡ್ತಾರೆ. ಆದರೆ ಬದುಕು ಮೊದಲು ಪರೀಕ್ಷೆ ಮಾಡಿ ನಂತರ ಪಾಠ ಕಲಿಸುತ್ತದೆ*.

*💖ಮನೆ ಬಿಟ್ಟು ಹೊರಡುವ ಮುನ್ನ ಮನದೊಳಗಿನ ಮಾತನ್ನೊಮ್ಮೆ ಆಲಿಸಿ*.

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*In the jungle which animal is the biggest .......I heard you say ,........ elephant.

*In the jungle which animal is the tallest...... I heard you say ......Giraffe.

*In the jungle which animal is the wisest.......I heard you say.......... Tortoise

*In the jungle which animal is the fastest ........ I heard you say ....... Cheetahs.

*Uhmm. Among all these wonderful qualities mentioned...... Where is the Lion in the picture.

*Yet you say the Lion is the king of the jungle even without any of these qualities.

*But I discovered something fascinating about the Lion.

*_The Lion is Courageous_

*_The Lion is very bold_

*_The Lion is always ready to face any mountain, any challenges, any barrier that crosses his part, no matter how big they are._

*_The Lion walks with confidence._

*_The Lion dares anything and it's never afraid_

*_The Lion believes he is unstoppable._

*_The Lion is a risk taker_

*_The Lion believes any animal is food for him_

*_The Lion believes any opportunity is worth giving a trial and never allows it slip from his hands._

*_The Lion has charisma._

*_What is it that we get to learn from here ....

_*• You don't need to be the fastest._* 
_*• You don't need to be the wisest_* 
_*• You don't need to be the smartest_*
_*• You dont need to be the most brilliant._*
_*• You don't need to be generally accepted to become your dreams and be great in life._*

• All you need is courage_*
_*• All you need is boldness_* 
_*• All you need is the will to try_* 
_*• All you need is the faith to believe it is possible_*
_*• All you need is to believe in yourself that you can do it.