Part 107 - Jokes , Fun , Haasya , Humor , Quotes , Greetings

*A page from husband's diary...📒*

Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, grabbed my golf bag, tried not to wake my wife, sneaked quietly into garage & proceeded to back out into....a torrential rain !☔
 Wind was blowing at 50 mph. 


I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio📻 & discovered that the weather would be bad through out the day. 


Disappointed 😔I went back into the house,quietly undressed, and sneaked back into bed.


There I cuddled up to my wife's back& whispered: 'The weather out there is terrible.'😒


My beautiful and loving wife replied: I know... and can you believe my stupid husband is out there playing golf⛳ in that terrible weather !'




_I still don't know to this day if she was joking😳😳😱_

*but I have stopped playing golf😰😰😰*

*********

Someone asked an engineer,  why you feel proud of being an engineer? He smiled and told that  " A lawyer's income increases with increase in crime and litigation. A  doctor's income increases with increase in diseases / illness.But an engineer's income increases with increase in prosperity of people and nation ...!!".That's why we feel proud...

*********

. 🍅 A teacher asked her students to bring
some tomatoes in a plastic bag to school.
🍅 Each tomato was to be given the name
of a person whom that child hates.
🍅 So, the number of tomatoes would be
equal to the number of persons they hate.
🍅 On a pre-determined day,
All the children brought their tomatoes well
addressed.
🍅 Some had two, some had three and
some had five, some even had 20
tomatoes in accordance with the number
of people they hated.
🍅 The teacher then told them they had to
carry the tomatoes with them everywhere
they go for two weeks.
🍅 As the days passed the children started
to complain about the decay and smell of
the tomatoes.
🍅 The students who had many tomatoes
complained it was very heavy to carry and
the smell was too much.
🍅 After a week, the teacher asked the
students “How did you feel this week?”
🍅 The children complained of the awful
smell and heavy weight of the tomatoes,
especially those who carried several
tomatoes.
🍅 The teacher said, “This is very similar to
what you carry in your heart when you
don’t like some people.
🍅 Hatred makes the heart unhealthy and
you carry that hatred everywhere.
🍅 If you can’t bear the smell of spoilt
tomatoes for a week, imagine the impact of
bitterness on your heart as you carry it
daily.”
🍅 The heart is a beautiful garden that
needs regular cleaning of unwanted weeds.
🍅 Forgive those who have angered you.
🍅 This makes room for storing good
things.
🍅 Get Better, Not Bitter!
This is something truly worth sharing 👍

*********

Bank ATM Officer goes to a south Indian restaurant.
He asks the waiter - What have you got?

Waiter - Idly , vada, uppma, pongal, dosa , poori, parotta, naan, oothappam, idiyappam..

Banker - OK ok..bring idly, vada, and dosa. And 2 oothappam for parcel..

Waiter - Sorry sir...all sold out. Nothing is left.

Banker - Then why the hell you recited such a big menu ?

Waiter - Sir ,  I go  to your ATM daily. After asking for  PIN , Account details, Amount required , whether printed receipt required  etc.,
It finally says ' 'No Cash'.....


Now you know how it feels when that happens!!!!!            

😂😂😂

*********

Outstanding!! Can't even argue with this logic... 👌👌👌👌👏👏👏👏

Husband: I love you!

Wife: I love you too, infact 
I love you so much 
I will fight the whole world for you.

Husband: But you fight with me the most.

Wife: Because you are the world to me!

😂😂😂

*********

Every husband is a farmer by default
His survival solely depends on "Agree" culture

*********

A man woke up in the morning deeply repentant after a bitter fight with his wife the previous night.

He noticed with dismay the crate of beer bottles that had caused the fight.

He took it outside and started smashing the empty bottles one by one onto the wall.

He smashed the first bottle swearing,
“you are the reason I fight with my wife”.

He smashed the second bottle,
“you are the reason I don’t love my children”.

He smashed the third bottle,
“you are the reason I don’t have a decent job”.

When he took the fourth bottle, he realized that the bottle was still sealed and was full.
He hesitated for only a moment and said
“you stand aside, I know you were not involved”.😆😊😜

*********

A man visits a mental hospital. He sees a patient with torn clothes & unkempt hair shouting "Reema !! Reema !!"

He asks the assistant about the reason for the patient's  behavior. Asst says the patient used to love a girl called Reema but couldn't marry her. So he became mad.

The man visits the next ward. There also he sees another patient with torn clothes & unkempt hair shouting

"Reema !! Reema !!"

The man looks at the assistant.
The assistant says "This one married Reema"😀

*********

*What is Self Insult ???*

An Angry Boss - Tumne Kabhi Gadha Dekha Hai ?


Employee (Head Down)


BOSS :- *Nichey Kya Dekh Rahe Ho,,,,, Look at Me!!!*
😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜

*********

I called my Arab friend home for a traditional 'Onam Sadya'.(traditional lunch)

The Arab friend asked me: 
"Is the Onam lunch Veg or Non veg?"

I told him: "It's Vegetarian, are you coming? "
He said he would come... .
And he came and sat for the 'Sadya' (lunch).

I placed the traditional big banana leaf and a glass of water in front of him to serve the Onam lunch, and went inside to bring the Onam meal.

When I came back, my Arab friend ate the big banana leaf and drank the water, and said:
"Masha Alla ... Thamam... This is the first time I have ever eaten such a big leaf as 'salad' ..." 😂😂😂😆😆😆

HAPPY ONAM!