Parenting tip..
Always snatch and eat one third of your child' chocolate and ice cream. This will prepare them to pay income tax when they grow up.
*********
Once, Lord Indra got upset with Farmers, he announced there will be No rain for 12 years & you won't be able to produce crops
Farmers begged for clemency from Lord Indra , who then said , Rain will be possible only if Lord Shiva plays his Damru , but he secretly requested Lord Shiva not to agree to these Farmers & when Farmers reached Lord Shiva he repeated the same thing that he will play Damru after 12 years
Disappointed Farmers decided to wait till 12 years but one Farmer regularly was digging treating & putting manure in the soil & sowing the seeds even with no crop emerging
Other Farmers were making fun of that Farmer . After 3 years all Farmers asked that Farmer why are you wasting your time n energy when you know that rains will not come before 12 years
He replied " I know that crop won't come out but I'm doing it as a matter of "practice" . After 12 years I will forget the process of growing crops n working in the field so I must keep it doing so that I'm fit to produce the crop,,the moment there is rain after 12 years
Hearing his argument Goddess Parvati praised his version before Lord Shiva & said You may also lose the practice of playing the Damru after 12 years
The innocent Lord Shiva in his anxiety just tried to play the Damru, if he could,,, and hearing the sound of Damru immediately there was rain n the farmer who was regularly working in the field got his crop emerged immediately n others were disappointed
It is the practice which keeps on making you perfect
The game is won during the practice Not during the performance
You become even diseased or old just because you don't practice on your body or mind
Practice is the essence of quality survival
**********
WHY DO COUPLES FIGHT!! 😂💕😂
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started....
*************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a weighing scale.
And then the fight started....
***************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.
So, I took her to a petrol pump
And then the fight started....
***************************
My wife is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to give me a compliment.'
I replied, 'Your eyesight's perfect.'
And then the fight started....
***************************
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I've not been in a long time."
So I took her to my parents house.
And then the fight started....
***************************
Dedicated to all married couples.. But don't send to all
I sent to my friend. He sent to his wife and then the fight started.
😆😆😆
**********
How a Password Changed my Life ... A true story from the Reader’s Digest ...
I was having a great morning until I sat down in front of my office computer. “your password has expired”, a server message flashed on my screen, with instructions for changing it...In my company we have to change password monthly..
I was deeply depressed after my recent divorce. Disbelief over what she had done to me was what I thought all day.
I remembered a tip I’d heard from my former boss. He’d said, “I’m going to use a password that is going to change my life”. I couldn’t focus on getting things done in my current mood.. My password reminded me that I shouldn’t let myself be a victim of my recent breakup and that I was strong enough to do something about it.
I made my password – Forgive@her. I had to type this password several times every day, each time my computer would lock. Each time I came back from lunch I wrote forgive her.
The simple action changed the way I looked at my ex-wife.. That constant reminder of reconciliation led me to accept the way things happened and helped me deal with my depression.. By the time the server prompted me to change my password following month, I felt free.
The next time I had to change my password I thought about the next thing that I had to get done. My password became Quit@smoking4ever .
It motivated me to follow my goal and I was able to quit smoking.
One month later, my password became Save4trip@europe, and in three months I was able to visit Europe.
Reminders helped me materialize my goals kept me motivated and excited. it's sometimes difficult to come up with your next goal, keeping at it brings great results.
After a few months my password was
lifeis#beauTful !!!
Life is going to change again :)👌👌
*********
Group admin: Hi guys, adding Lakshmi to the group. Lakshmi is new to town as well. So...
Lakshmi: Hi all....
Member # 1: Hiiiii....
Member # 2: Hi Lakshmi... How are you?
Member # 3: Hey Lakshmi... Let me know if you need any help, OK.
Member # 4: Hi..
Member # 5: what's your full name Lakshmi?
Lakshmi: Lakshmikanth Reddy.
(Dead silence in the group)
*********
Biggest Environmental Joke
🤔🤔🤔🤔
A small *ATM room* which is equipped with *2 ACs* and *4 tubelights, working 24 hours, is asking me not to print receipt to save environment.....*🤔😳🤔😳
***********
ಖತರನಾಕ ಮಂದಿ...😜
............................
ಮಲ್ಲಪ್ಪನ ಹೆಂಡ್ತಿ ಕಳದೋಗ್ಯಾಳ ಅಂತಾ ಯಲ್ಲಪ್ಪ ಪೋಲಿಸ್ ಕಚೇರ್ಯಾಗ ಫಿರ್ಯಾದಿ ಕೊಟ್ಟಾ......
ಪೋಲಿಸ್-- ಅವ್ನ ಹೆಂಡ್ತಿ ಕಳದಿದ್ದಕ್ಕ ನಿಯಾಕ್ ಕಂಪ್ಲೆಂಟ್ ಕೊಡಾಕ ಹತ್ತಿಲೆ???
ಯಲ್ಲಪ್ಪ-- ನಂಗ ಅವನ ಖುಷಿ ನೋಡಾಕ ಆಗುವಲ್ತ್ರಿ......
ಮಗ ದಿನಾಲೂ ಪಾರ್ಟಿ ಮಾಡ್ಲಾಕ ಹತ್ಯಾನ....
**********
Wife called her scientist husband...
"Honey... It's Saturday... and you are late."
*Husband:* I'm busy with my team in an experiment.
*Wife:* What's that?
*Husband:* We've just added a derivative of C2H5OH *(alcohol)* with ambiant temperature H2O *(water)* and aqueous CO2 *(soda)*.
To cool this mixture added some super low temperature, solidified H2O *(ice cubes)*, now while waiting for some protein *(snacks)*, we are fumigating the lab with vapours of nicotine *(smoking)*...
It's 4 or 5 round experiment.. So I will be late."
*Wife* : Oh dear... I won't disturb you. Take ur time...😘😘
😜😜😜😜
*********
There was a Bus Conductor, who was Very Rude to his passengers.😡😡😡😡
One day, a Beautiful Young Girl, of around 18 Years, tried to board the bus, but he didn't stop
the bus.
Unfortunately, the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot.😫😫😫😫😫
Angry passengers 😡😡😡😡took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.
The Judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment.😬😬😬😬
He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the room. The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. But, to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.
.
.
.
A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus.
This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experience stopped the bus. Unfortunately, the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his injuries.
The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to the same judge.
Though, he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record the judge decided to set an example and gave him capital punishment.
The Bus conductor was again taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him.
This time he died instantly.....!!!!!
.
.
The question is why didn't he die on the first occasion..?? but, died instantly the second time....??
.
.
.
.
.
.
Okay........ here is the Answer............
During the first time The Conductor was a *Bad Conductor,* therefore electricity didn't pass through him.
But, during the second time, he was a *Good Conductor*, so electricity passed through him freely and he died !!!!
*Physics never go wrong*....
.
.
Don't look at me...!!
.
.
I am also looking for the Person😂 who sent me this...😜😛😉😬😀
*********
This is one of the best suspense jokes till date
😜
A Father put his 3year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying,
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this, "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
"Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.
He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"
He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my boss died in the middle of a meeting!"
😜😝😝😂😂
Enjoy fun suspense thriller😄
**********
Always snatch and eat one third of your child' chocolate and ice cream. This will prepare them to pay income tax when they grow up.
*********
Once, Lord Indra got upset with Farmers, he announced there will be No rain for 12 years & you won't be able to produce crops
Farmers begged for clemency from Lord Indra , who then said , Rain will be possible only if Lord Shiva plays his Damru , but he secretly requested Lord Shiva not to agree to these Farmers & when Farmers reached Lord Shiva he repeated the same thing that he will play Damru after 12 years
Disappointed Farmers decided to wait till 12 years but one Farmer regularly was digging treating & putting manure in the soil & sowing the seeds even with no crop emerging
Other Farmers were making fun of that Farmer . After 3 years all Farmers asked that Farmer why are you wasting your time n energy when you know that rains will not come before 12 years
He replied " I know that crop won't come out but I'm doing it as a matter of "practice" . After 12 years I will forget the process of growing crops n working in the field so I must keep it doing so that I'm fit to produce the crop,,the moment there is rain after 12 years
Hearing his argument Goddess Parvati praised his version before Lord Shiva & said You may also lose the practice of playing the Damru after 12 years
The innocent Lord Shiva in his anxiety just tried to play the Damru, if he could,,, and hearing the sound of Damru immediately there was rain n the farmer who was regularly working in the field got his crop emerged immediately n others were disappointed
It is the practice which keeps on making you perfect
The game is won during the practice Not during the performance
You become even diseased or old just because you don't practice on your body or mind
Practice is the essence of quality survival
**********
WHY DO COUPLES FIGHT!! 😂💕😂
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started....
*************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a weighing scale.
And then the fight started....
***************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.
So, I took her to a petrol pump
And then the fight started....
***************************
My wife is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to give me a compliment.'
I replied, 'Your eyesight's perfect.'
And then the fight started....
***************************
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I've not been in a long time."
So I took her to my parents house.
And then the fight started....
***************************
Dedicated to all married couples.. But don't send to all
I sent to my friend. He sent to his wife and then the fight started.
😆😆😆
**********
How a Password Changed my Life ... A true story from the Reader’s Digest ...
I was having a great morning until I sat down in front of my office computer. “your password has expired”, a server message flashed on my screen, with instructions for changing it...In my company we have to change password monthly..
I was deeply depressed after my recent divorce. Disbelief over what she had done to me was what I thought all day.
I remembered a tip I’d heard from my former boss. He’d said, “I’m going to use a password that is going to change my life”. I couldn’t focus on getting things done in my current mood.. My password reminded me that I shouldn’t let myself be a victim of my recent breakup and that I was strong enough to do something about it.
I made my password – Forgive@her. I had to type this password several times every day, each time my computer would lock. Each time I came back from lunch I wrote forgive her.
The simple action changed the way I looked at my ex-wife.. That constant reminder of reconciliation led me to accept the way things happened and helped me deal with my depression.. By the time the server prompted me to change my password following month, I felt free.
The next time I had to change my password I thought about the next thing that I had to get done. My password became Quit@smoking4ever .
It motivated me to follow my goal and I was able to quit smoking.
One month later, my password became Save4trip@europe, and in three months I was able to visit Europe.
Reminders helped me materialize my goals kept me motivated and excited. it's sometimes difficult to come up with your next goal, keeping at it brings great results.
After a few months my password was
lifeis#beauTful !!!
Life is going to change again :)👌👌
*********
Group admin: Hi guys, adding Lakshmi to the group. Lakshmi is new to town as well. So...
Lakshmi: Hi all....
Member # 1: Hiiiii....
Member # 2: Hi Lakshmi... How are you?
Member # 3: Hey Lakshmi... Let me know if you need any help, OK.
Member # 4: Hi..
Member # 5: what's your full name Lakshmi?
Lakshmi: Lakshmikanth Reddy.
(Dead silence in the group)
*********
Biggest Environmental Joke
🤔🤔🤔🤔
A small *ATM room* which is equipped with *2 ACs* and *4 tubelights, working 24 hours, is asking me not to print receipt to save environment.....*🤔😳🤔😳
***********
ಖತರನಾಕ ಮಂದಿ...😜
............................
ಮಲ್ಲಪ್ಪನ ಹೆಂಡ್ತಿ ಕಳದೋಗ್ಯಾಳ ಅಂತಾ ಯಲ್ಲಪ್ಪ ಪೋಲಿಸ್ ಕಚೇರ್ಯಾಗ ಫಿರ್ಯಾದಿ ಕೊಟ್ಟಾ......
ಪೋಲಿಸ್-- ಅವ್ನ ಹೆಂಡ್ತಿ ಕಳದಿದ್ದಕ್ಕ ನಿಯಾಕ್ ಕಂಪ್ಲೆಂಟ್ ಕೊಡಾಕ ಹತ್ತಿಲೆ???
ಯಲ್ಲಪ್ಪ-- ನಂಗ ಅವನ ಖುಷಿ ನೋಡಾಕ ಆಗುವಲ್ತ್ರಿ......
ಮಗ ದಿನಾಲೂ ಪಾರ್ಟಿ ಮಾಡ್ಲಾಕ ಹತ್ಯಾನ....
**********
Wife called her scientist husband...
"Honey... It's Saturday... and you are late."
*Husband:* I'm busy with my team in an experiment.
*Wife:* What's that?
*Husband:* We've just added a derivative of C2H5OH *(alcohol)* with ambiant temperature H2O *(water)* and aqueous CO2 *(soda)*.
To cool this mixture added some super low temperature, solidified H2O *(ice cubes)*, now while waiting for some protein *(snacks)*, we are fumigating the lab with vapours of nicotine *(smoking)*...
It's 4 or 5 round experiment.. So I will be late."
*Wife* : Oh dear... I won't disturb you. Take ur time...😘😘
😜😜😜😜
*********
There was a Bus Conductor, who was Very Rude to his passengers.😡😡😡😡
One day, a Beautiful Young Girl, of around 18 Years, tried to board the bus, but he didn't stop
the bus.
Unfortunately, the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot.😫😫😫😫😫
Angry passengers 😡😡😡😡took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.
The Judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment.😬😬😬😬
He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the room. The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. But, to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.
.
.
.
A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus.
This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experience stopped the bus. Unfortunately, the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his injuries.
The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to the same judge.
Though, he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record the judge decided to set an example and gave him capital punishment.
The Bus conductor was again taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him.
This time he died instantly.....!!!!!
.
.
The question is why didn't he die on the first occasion..?? but, died instantly the second time....??
.
.
.
.
.
.
Okay........ here is the Answer............
During the first time The Conductor was a *Bad Conductor,* therefore electricity didn't pass through him.
But, during the second time, he was a *Good Conductor*, so electricity passed through him freely and he died !!!!
*Physics never go wrong*....
.
.
Don't look at me...!!
.
.
I am also looking for the Person😂 who sent me this...😜😛😉😬😀
*********
This is one of the best suspense jokes till date
😜
A Father put his 3year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying,
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this, "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
"Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.
He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"
He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my boss died in the middle of a meeting!"
😜😝😝😂😂
Enjoy fun suspense thriller😄
**********
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