Part 133 - Jokes , Fun , Haasya , Humor , Quotes , Greetings

Before marriage
 It's called *DATING*; 

After marriage is called: 


*accomoDATING*!

😝😜😝😜😝😜😝😜

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Banner in front of a corporate office :

Drive slowly. Don't kill our employees. Leave them to us. We do it legally.

Regards,
HR
😂

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*Once  a  Man  asked  GOD.. Why  you  don't  fulfill  my  wishes  if  you  are  everywhere..?*

*GOD  replied.. I am  like a  WiFi  my  Child.. I am  available  everywhere  but  you  need  to  connect  with  me  with  a  Correct  Password..*

*And the “password is :* 

*FAITH*👏

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A Lady was conducting her anti drinking campaign outside a bar. A man came out of the Bar exuding alcohol fumes and the Lady said - "Tell me!!! If you arrive at the Gates of Heaven with your breath smelling of liquor... Do you think the Lord will let you in ???"
"My good woman" passionately holding her hand, said the man, "When I go to Heaven I expect to leave my breath behind."

*Moral*..... 

Drinkers are practical people. 

Kindly Respect & Support them...!!!😜😜

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New HR Policy,

Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. 
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. 
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. 

Sick Leave:

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. 

Casual leave:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bathroom Breaks:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy. 

Lunch Break: 

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. 
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. 
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. 

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
  
The HR 😈

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A guy met one of his school-mates several years after school & he could not believe his eyes - his friend was driving one of the latest sleek Mercedes Benz cars.
He went home feeling awful and very disappointed in himself. He thought he was a failure.

What he didn't know was that his friend was a driver and had been sent to run errands with his boss's car. 

Rosemary nagged her husband always for not being romantic.
She accused him for not getting down to open the car door for her as her friend Jane's husband did when he dropped her off at work.

What Rosemary didn't know was that Jane's husband's car had a faulty door that could be opened only from outside.
 
Sampson's wife went to visit one of her long time friends and was very troubled on seeing the 3 lovely kids of her friend playing around.
Her problem was that she had only one child and have been struggling to conceive for the past five years. 

What she didn't know was that one of those kids who was the biological child of her friend had sickle cell and had just a year to live; the other two were adopted. 

Life does not have a universal measuring tool, so looking at people and comparing yourself with them will not make you better. Because you may not know that you have lots of blessings that others will envy for.

Enjoy what you have, you have just one life..
Happiness doesn't come from having everything, but happiness is making the best out of what we have, it's all about how we see ourselves..
Count your blessings rather than complaining about the smaller holes. Because....

"Happiness is a state of mind !!"

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*Drinking From The Saucer*
_by John Paul Moore_

I've never made a fortune,
And I'll never make one now
But it really doesn't matter
'Cause I'm happy anyhow. 

As I go along my journey
I'm reaping better than I've sowed
I'm drinking from the saucer
'Cause my cup has overflowed. 

I don't have a lot of riches,
And the going's sometimes tough
But with kin and friends to love me
I think I'm rich enough. 

I thank God for the blessings
That His mercy has bestowed
I'm drinking from the saucer
'Cause my cup has overflowed. 

He gives me strength and courage
When the way grows steep and rough
I'll not ask for other blessings
For I'm already blessed enough. 

May we never be too busy
To help bear another's load
Then we'll all be drinking from the saucer
When our cups have overflowed.

*May your cup always overflow.*🙏🏽

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 Every HEART has a pain, but Only the way of expression is different.

Normal people hide it in EYES...
While matured people hide it in their SMILE...

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Someone topped ICSE By Scoring 99.75%.  !*
*(399 Out Of 400)*

*These Are The Comments He Got On His Facebook Page On His Achievement....:*

😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛

*1. Don't publish this fact in newspaper. We have parents to answer...!*

*2. Itna to mere phone ka battery bhi charge nahi hota...!*

*3. Yeh ladka kalpanic hai iska vastav se koyi sambandh nahi hain...!*

*4. Badhai ho... par aaj 8 saal ho gaye mere XII ke results ko, aaj fir daant padi...!*

*5. apsara pencil se likha hota to 0.25% bhi mil jate.........extra marks for good hand writing...!*

*6. Tu roadie nahi banega... U dont give ur 100% - Raghu..!*

*6. Mere purre graduation ke 3 saal ka total bhi itna nahi jitna tu ek exam mein laya hai, kaminey...!*

*7. Not a big deal... His tutor is Rajnikant...!*

*8. Congrats dude, you are the reason my parents have so many expectations..!*

*9. Itna toh dettol, kitanu nahi maarta...!*

*10. See Arkya, i dnt knw wat tough times u wuld hav gone thru... lekin beta is tarah se padhaai pe gussa nahi nikalte...!!*
 
*11. Main toh agar apna paper khud check karta toh bhi itna marks nahi la paata. ..!*

*12) Itne marks mein toh mere jaise Garib 3-3 bache pass ho jate hain..!* 

😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

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😨ಇದು ಕಥೆಯಲ್ಲ, ಜೀವನ...👍

👉must read.. don't miss it.....
ತಪ್ಪದೇ ಓದಿ...👇

👥ಒಂದು ದಿನ, ದೊಡ್ಡವರಿಗೆ ಏರ್ಪಡಿಸಿದ್ದ ಮನೋಶಾಸ್ತ್ರ ತರಗತಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ವಿದ್ಯಾರ್ಥಿಗಳಿಗೆ ಮನಶಾಸ್ತ್ರ ಶಿಕ್ಷಕ👴 'ಇವತ್ತು ಒಂದು ಆಟ ಆಡೋಣ' ಎನ್ನುತ್ತಾನೆ.
'ಯಾವ ಆಟ????'
👇
ವಿದ್ಯಾರ್ಥಿನಿಯೊಬ್ಬಳಿಗೆ ಬರಲು ಹೇಳುತ್ತಾನೆ ಶಿಕ್ಷಕ. 
👩ಹೇಮಾ ಎಂಬ ಹೆಣ್ಣುಮಗಳು ಎದ್ದು ಬರುತ್ತಾಳೆ
ನಿನ್ನ ಜೀವನದಲ್ಲಿ ತುಂಬಾ ಮುಖ್ಯ ಅನಿಸುವ 30 ಜನರ ಹೆಸರುಗಳನ್ನು ಬೋರ್ಡ್ ಮೇಲೆ ಬರಿ ಎಂದ ಶಿಕ್ಷಕ.

ಹೇಮಾ 30 ಹೆಸರು ಬರೆದಳು. ಅದರಲ್ಲಿ ಆಕೆಯ ಕುಟುಂಬದ ಸದಸ್ಯರು, ಸಂಬಂಧಿಕರು, ಗೆಳೆಯ-ಗೆಳತಿಯರು, ಸಹೋದ್ಯೋಗಿಗಳು ಹಾಗೂ ನೆರೆಹೊರೆಯವರ ಹೆಸರುಗಳಿದ್ದವು. 

👉'ಇವುಗಳ ಪೈಕಿ ಯಾವುದಾದರೂ ಮೂರನ್ನು ಅಳಿಸು'!!??
ಆಕೆ ತನ್ನ ಸಹೋದ್ಯೋಗಿಗಳ ಹೆಸರು ಅಳಿಸಿದಳು.

👉'ಮುಖ್ಯ ಅನಿಸದ ಐದು ಹೆಸರುಗಳನ್ನು ಅಳಿಸು'!!??
ತನ್ನ ನೆರೆಹೊರೆಯವರ ಹೆಸರುಗಳನ್ನು ಅಳಿಸಿದಳು ಹೇಮಾ.

👉ಹೀಗೆ ಅಳಿಸುವ ಕೆಲಸ ಮುಂದುವರೆದು, ಕೊನೆಗೆ ಕೇವಲ ನಾಲ್ಕು ಹೆಸರುಗಳು ಮಾತ್ರ ಬೋರ್ಡ್ ಮೇಲೆ ಉಳಿದವು. ಅವು, ಹೇಮಾಳ ತಂದೆತಾಯಿ, ಗಂಡ ಮತ್ತು ಮಗನದಾಗಿತ್ತು. 

👉ಇಷ್ಟೊತ್ತಿಗೆ ಇಡೀ ಕ್ಲಾಸು ಸ್ತಬ್ಧವಾಗಿತ್ತು. ಏಕೆಂದರೆ, ಈ ಅಳಿಸುವ ಆಟ ಕೇವಲ ಹೇಮಾಳೊಬ್ಬಳಿಗೇ ಸಂಬಂಧಿಸಿದ್ದಲ್ಲ, ಎಲ್ಲರಿಗೂ ಸಂಬಂಧಿಸಿದ್ದು ಎಂಬುದು ಸ್ಪಷ್ಟವಾಗಿತ್ತು. 

👉ಈಗ, ಶಿಕ್ಷಕ ಪ್ರಮುಖ ಅನಿಸದ ಇನ್ನೆರಡು ಹೆಸರು ಅಳಿಸಲು ಹೇಳಿದ.???
ಇದು ನಿಜಕ್ಕೂ ಸವಾಲಿನದಾಗಿತ್ತು. ಅತ್ಯಂತ ಕಷ್ಟದಿಂದ ಹೇಮಾ ತನ್ನ ತಂದೆತಾಯಿಗಳ ಹೆಸರುಗಳನ್ನು ಅಳಿಸಿದಳು.

👉ಉಳಿದಿದ್ದು ಗಂಡ ಮತ್ತು ಮಗನ ಹೆಸರುಗಳು ಮಾತ್ರ.
'ದಯವಿಟ್ಟು ಹೇಮಾ, ಇನ್ನೊಂದು ಹೆಸರನ್ನೂ ಅಳಿಸಿ'!!??

🙇ನಿಸ್ತೇಜಳಾದಳು ಹೇಮಾ. ಕೈಗಳು ನಡುಗಲಾರಂಭಿಸಿದವು. ಕಣ್ಣುಗಳು ತುಂಬಿ ಬಂದವು. ಅಳುತ್ತಲೇ ಆಕೆ ತನ್ನ ಮಗನ ಹೆಸರನ್ನು ಅಳಿಸಿದಳು. ನಂತರ ಜೋರಾಗಿ ಅತ್ತುಬಿಟ್ಟಳು.

👉ಹೇಮಾಳನ್ನು ಆಕೆಯ ಕುರ್ಚಿಯ‍ಲ್ಲಿ ಕೂಡಲು ಹೇಳಿದ ಶಿಕ್ಷಕ ತರಗತಿ ಉದ್ದೇಶಿಸಿ ಕೇಳಿದ: 'ನಿನ್ನ ಗಂಡನ ಹೆಸರನ್ನಷ್ಟೇ ಏಕೆ ಉಳಿಸಿಕೊಂಡೆ???? ತಂದೆತಾಯಿ ನಿನಗೆ ಜನ್ಮವಿತ್ತು, ಸಾಕಿ ಸಲಹಿದವರು. ಇನ್ನು ಒಬ್ಬ ಮಗನಿಗೆ ನೀನೇ ಜನ್ಮವಿತ್ತಿದ್ದೀ. ಅವರ್ಯಾರೂ ನಿನಗೆ ಮತ್ತೆ ಸಿಗುವವರಲ್ಲ. ಆದರೆ, ಬೇಕೆಂದರೆ ಬೇರೊಬ್ಬನನ್ನು ನೀನು ಗಂಡನನ್ನಾಗಿ ಮಾಡಿಕೊಳ್ಳುವ ಅವಕಾಶ ಇದ್ದೇ ಇದೆ'.???


👉ಇಡೀ ತರಗತಿ ಉಸಿರು ಬಿಡದೇ ಹೇಮಾಳ ಉತ್ತರಕ್ಕಾಗಿ ಕಾಯುತ್ತಿತ್ತು. 😳😳
ಹೇಮಾ ಶಾಂತಳಾಗಿ, ನಿಧಾನವಾಗಿ ಉತ್ತರಿಸಿದಳು:👇
'ಒಂದಿನ ತಂದೆತಾಯಿ ನನ್ನನ್ನು ಬಿಟ್ಟು ಹೋಗುವರು.
'ಮಗ ಕೂಡ ದೊಡ್ಡವನಾದ ಮೇಲೆ ತನ್ನ ಓದು, ಕೆಲಸ ಅಥವಾ ಇತರ ಕಾರಣಗಳಿಗಾಗಿ ನನ್ನನ್ನು ಬಿಟ್ಟು ಹೋಗಬಹುದು.
'ಆದರೆ, ಗಂಡ ಜೀವನದುದ್ದಕ್ಕೂ ನನ್ನ ಜೊತೆಗೇ ಇರುವವನು'.

ಇಡೀ ತರಗತಿ ಎದ್ದು ನಿಂತು ಚಪ್ಪಾಳೆ ತಟ್ಟಿತು. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
ಇದೇ ಜೀವನದ ಸತ್ಯ. ಆದ್ದರಿಂದ, ನಿಮ್ಮ ಬಾಳಸಂಗಾತಿಯೇ ನಿಮಗೆ ಮುಖ್ಯ. ಇದು ಹೆಂಡತಿಯರಿಗಷ್ಟೇ ಅಲ್ಲ,👇 👉ಗಂಡಂದಿರಿಗೂ ಅನ್ವಯಿಸುತ್ತದೆ.👆

👉ಹಗಲೆಲ್ಲಾ ಬೇರೆಯವರ ಜೊತೆ ಕಾಲ ಕಳೆದರೂ, ಸಂಜೆಯಾಗುತ್ತಿದ್ದಂತೆ "ಗಂಡನ ಆಶ್ರಯದ ಮನೆಗೆ ಹೆಂಡತಿಯು", :ಹೆಂಡತಿಯ ಪ್ರೀತಿಯ ಆರೈಕೆಯ ದೇಗುಲಕ್ಕೆ ಗಂಡನೂ" ಹೋಗಲೇಬೇಕು👍👍

bcz...thats the value  of husband and wife 👏👏 &
this relationship only permanent and pure👍👌

👆💑ಇದೇ ಜೀವನ👪👆

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Truth is like a surgery.  It pains,  but cures.  Lie is like a pain-killer.  It gives relief temporarily, but it gives side-effects later.

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