Part 139 - Jokes , Fun , Haasya , Humor , Quotes , Greetings

Children Are Quick and Always Speak Their Minds
_______________________________
TEACHER:    Maria, go to the map and find North America . 


MARIA:         Here it is. 
TEACHER:   Correct.  Now class, who discovered America ? 
CLASS:         Maria. 
_______________________________
TEACHER:    John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? 
JOHN:          You told me to do it without using the tables. 
_______________________________
TEACHER:  Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' 
GLENN:      K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' 
TEACHER:  No, that's wrong 
GLENN:       Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.   
(I  Love this child) 
_______________________________
TEACHER:   Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? 
DONALD:     H I J K L M N O. 
TEACHER:   What are you talking about? 
DONALD:    Yesterday you said it's H to O.   
_______________________________
TEACHER:   Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. 
WINNIE:       Me! 
_______________________________
TEACHER:   Glen, why do you always get so dirty?         
GLEN:          Well, I'm a  lot closer to the ground than you are.   
_______________________________
TEACHER:     Millie, give me a sentence starting with '  I.  ' 
MILLIE:         I  is... 
TEACHER:     No, Millie...... always say, 'I  am.' 
MILLIE:         All right...  'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet'       
_______________________________
TEACHER:    George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? 
LOUIS:          Because George still had  the axe in his hand......     
_______________________________
TEACHER:    Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? 
SIMON:         No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.   
______________________________ 
TEACHER:       Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his? 
CLYDE   :         No sir, It's the same dog.     
(I want to adopt this kid!!!) 
____________________________
TEACHER:    Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? 
HAROLD:     A teacher 


*********

👌आर्ट ऑफ लिविंग... की कुछ अच्छी बातें 👌

👉!!जीवन में आने वाली हर चुनौती को स्वीकार करे।👈

👆अपनी पसंद की चीजों के लिये खर्चा करें।👆

👆इतना हंसिये के पेट दर्द हो जाये।👆

👆आप कितना भी बुरा नाचते हो ,फिर भी नाचिये।उस खुशी को महसूस किजिये।👆

👆फोटोज् के लिये पागलों वाली पोज् दिजिये।बिल्कुल छोटे बच्चे बन जाइये।👆

👌हर पल को खुशी से जीने को ही जिंदगी कहते है।👌
👆"जिंदगी है छोटी," हर पल में खुश रहो👆
👆काम में खुश रहो,"आराम में खुश रहो👆
👉"आज पनीर नहीं," दाल में ही खुश रहो👈

👆"आज गाड़ी नहीं," पैदल ही खुश रहो 👆

👆"जिस को देख नहीं सकते," उसकी आवाज से ही खुश रहो👆
👉"जिसको पा नहीं सकते,"उसको सोच कर ही खुश रहो👈
👌"बीता हुआ कल जा चुका है," उसकी मीठी याद में ही खुश रहो👌
👆"आने वाले कल का पता नहीं," इंतजार में ही खुश रहो 👆
😄"हंसता हुआ बीत रहा है पल," आज में ही खुश रहो😄
👍"जिंदगी है छोटी," हर हाल में खुश रहो👍

👉अगर दिल को छुआ हो तो जवाब दो, वरना बिना जवाब के भी खुश रहो 👈.

*********

*🌷Thought: life is so ironic to understand fully it takes sadness to know what is happiness.*
⛂⛀⛂⛀⛂⚬⛂⛀⛂⛀⛂
*🌹Best Line: Zindagi Se Aap Jo Bhi Behtar Se Behtar Le Sako Le Lo. Kyu Ke Zindagi Jab Lena Suru Karti Hai To Sanse Bhi Nahi Chhodti.*
⛂⛀⛂⛀⛂⚬⛂⛀⛂⛀⛂
*🍀Gardener may water the plant daily but fruits grow only in the season. So have patience because everything is destined to happen by its own time!*
⛂⛀⛂⛀⛂⚬⛂⛀⛂⛀⛂
*🌺Feelings R D Most DelicateThing In Life. Nevr Hurt Them Wen Any1Truly Shows On U. Coz A Great Saying Says "Today Its Me, Tmrw It'll b U".*
⛂⛀⛂⛀⛂⚬⛂⛀⛂⛀⛂


*💐When You Are Tempted To Loose Patience With Someone, Think How Patient God Has Been With You All Time.*

💦💧💦💧💦🔹💦💧💦💧💦
*🌹When we find no solution to a problem, It's probably not a problem to be solved,Rather, a truth to be accepted.*
💦💧💦💧💦🔹💦💧💦💧💦
*🌺जिंदगी ऎसी जियो की,रब को पसंद आ जाये, दुनियावालों की पसंद तो रोज बदलती रहती है.*
💦💧💦💧💦🔹💦💧💦💧💦
*🍀Never Ignore Those People Who Says "Sorry" For Their Mistakes, Because For Them You Are Important, Not Their "Ego"*
💦💧💦💧💦🔹💦💧💦💧💦


*********


*अध्यापक:-* रमेश बेटा घर की परिभाषा बताओ ?
*रमेश:-* सर जो घर हौंसलें से बनाये जाते हैं उसे *"हाउस"* कहते हैं।
जिन घरों में हवन होते हैं, उन्हें *"होम"* कहते हैं।
जिन घरों में हवा ज्यादा चलती है उन्हें *"हवेली"*कहते हैं।
जिन घरों में दीवारों के भी कान होते हैं उन्हें *"मकान"* कहते हैं। 
                       और 
जिन घरों के लोन की किश्त भरते-भरते आदमी लेट जाता है उन्हें *"फ्लेैट"* कहते हैं 

                       और 
जिन घरों में यह भी पता ना हो कि बगल के घर में कौन रहता है उन्हें *"बंगला"* कहते हैं।  
अध्यापक अभी तक ICU से बाहर नहीं आ पाये हैं।
😂😝😂😝😝😎😵😜


*********


शादी मतलब....
तेरे जैसा कोई नहीं......से लेकर
तेरे जैसे बहुत देखे हैं.....
तक का सफर.....😊😊😊😊


अजी सुनते हो, से लेकर......
बहरे हो गए हो क्या.....?????
तक का सफर......😊😊😊😊


शादी मतलब......
कहाँ गई थी जान....से लेकर....
कहाँ मर गई थीं.....
तक का सफर......😊😊😊😊


शादी मतलब......
आप मुझे नसीब से मिले हो.....
से लेकर.....
नसीब फूटे थे, जो तुम मिले.....
तक का सफर.....😊😊😊😊


शादी मतलब......
आप रहने दीजिए......से लेकर.....
मेहरबानी करके आप तो रहने ही दो....
तक का सफर.....😊😊😊😊😊


*********


*🌹A Bad Attitude Is Like A Flat Tire, You Won’t Get No Where Till You Change It.*
⛀⛂⛀⛂⛀🔘⛀⛂⛀⛂⛀
*🍒The person who can enrage you in a jiffy, is the person you should be the most scared of.*
⛀⛂⛀⛂⛀🔘⛀⛂⛀⛂⛀
*🌺Anger exposes your insecurity where as forgiveness exposes your generosity.*
⛀⛂⛀⛂⛀🔘⛀⛂⛀⛂⛀
*🌷Success comes to those who have the will power to win over their snooze buttons.*
⛀⛂⛀⛂⛀🔘⛀⛂⛀⛂⛀


*********


Indian wife sanskaro wali hoti hai
Wo kabhi sabke samne apne pati ko

“Abe Gadhe” aur
“Oye Gadhe” ya
“Sun Gadhe”

nahi bolti

Isliye wo short me
“A.G. / O.G./ Suno G”
Kehti hain..
👍👏😜😝


*********


*💐Friends are angels who lift our feet when our own wings have trouble remembering how to fly.*......
⛂⛀⛂⛀⛂⚬⛂⛀⛂⛀⛂
*🌷When you can't control what's happening , challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what's happening. That is true power !*
⛂⛀⛂⛀⛂⚬⛂⛀⛂⛀⛂
*🌹Anyone can lead when the plan is working. The best lead when the plan falls apart. -  Robin Sharma.*
⛂⛀⛂⛀⛂⚬⛂⛀⛂⛀⛂
*🌺Don't stop having fun when you get older because you will get older when you stop having fun.*


*********


*Awesome Message. . ?*

A group of friends visited their old university professor. Conversation soon turned to complaints about 'STRESS' & 'TENSION' in life.

Professor offered them coffee & returned from kitchen with coffee in different kinds of cups (glass cups, crystal cups, shining ones, some plain looking, some ordinary n some expensive ones.)

When all of them had a cup in hand, the professor said:
.
"If YOU noticed, all the nice looking & expensive cups are taken up, leaving behind the ordinary ones. Everyone of YOU wanted the best CUPS, & that is the source of YOUR STRESS & TENSION.

What YOU really wanted was "Coffee", not the "Cup", but YOU still went for the best Cup. If life is Coffee,? Then Jobs, Money, Status & Love. . . .etc are the Cups.

They are just tools to hold and contain life.

Don't let the CUPS drive YOU.
Enjoy the COFFEE.. :)


*********


 A typical Tamil Brahmin mother from Chennai ( a “Tam-bram” … oh...they are particularly SMART ! ) went to visit her son working in the US .

On arrival at his flat  ( Sorry, apartment) , she was shown her bedroom and was made comfortable. 
At the dinner table, she was surprised to see a very pretty Indian girl sharing their meal. 

She felt a bit mystified but held her peace. 😲
Her son introduced the girl  properly, said she was sharing the apartment, and the food was cooked by her. 
The food was delicious and the girl was friendly and a good conversationalist.

 Mother felt a little mollified but was still uneasy. She could not sleep very well that night.

The next morning, she cornered her son and demanded an explanation.😫
The son assured her that it was quite commonplace  in the US for men and women to share an apartment; the girl had her own bedroom, and they had nothing funny going on between them. 

Hmm…if  you think this satisfied the Tam-bram mother , you have another thing coming!?!

Her visit went off well and during that period, she also got quite  close to the girl and liked her immensely.

 Anyway, at the end of her stay, just before she left, they had a  dinner in her honour. The girl laid out some silverware and outdid herself in the culinary department. 

The mother left the next morning. 

A month after that, she got a mail from the son saying, “Amma, there is something delicate I wish to mention to you.
 You remember the farewell dinner we had for you? and Meena laid out some lovely silverware ? There is a silver plate missing from that set, and we can not find it anywhere. 😳
It was a gift from Meena’s mother and Meena is a bit upset. 

Now, I am not saying you took it and I am saying you did not take it but I am just asking if you know anything about it."😱
 The mother replied,
 “Son, tch tch…what a suspicious mind you have! 
🙄
You gave me an explanation about Meena’s presence in your apartment. 
Now, I am not saying you are both “living” together. I am not saying you are not “living” together. All I am saying is, if Meena had been sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the silver plate under her pillow by now !!” 
😜😜!!!

Moral: Don’t ever mess around with your mother, all you H1-B types ! Don't think you are so smart!


*********