Part 149 - Jokes , Fun , Haasya , Humor , Quotes , Greetings

 santa was lying on beach,
 Amrican: R u Relaxing?
 santa: No i m GopalSingh.. 


Anothr Amrcn: R u relaxing?
 santa: No
 I m Santa Singh..
 Anothr Amrcn: R u relaxing?
 santa: No (Shouting)
 I m gopal Singh😡
 santa left tht place in anger.
 Then santa asks one American lying nearby
 R u relaxing?
 American: Yes.
 santa slaps him & says, u idiot go there, all are searching for u 😡 . ..😂😂😂



*********


Boy stationery shop pe gaya aur......

Boy : Printer paper dena bhayya....

Shopkeeper: A4?

Boy: A for Apple........Tu Paper dena bhai 😃😃




*********

बेटा:
“Wife, बीवी, पत्नी, श्रीमती, औरत, अर्धांगिनी, घरवाली…
इन सब में क्या अंतर है…?”

पिता:
“बेटा, इतना मत सोचो
मुसीबत एक… नाम अनेक…”
😜😜😜😂

*********

पति और पत्नी आगरा जा रहे थे जहाँ पर कुए में एक रुपये का सिक्का डालने से मन की मुराद पूरी हो जाती थी....

पति ने एक रुपये का सिक्का डाला....

इसके बाद पत्नी एक रुपये का सिक्का डालने गई, 
मगर बैलेंस बिगड़ गया और वो कुए में जा गिरी...

पति की आँखों में आंसू  और ऊपर देखकर बोला

"इतनी जल्दी"..??😂😂
😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝


*********


पत्नी ने मायके से पति को फोन किया – “कैसे हो ?”

पति - “ठीक हूँ …”

पत्नी - “मेरी याद आती है तब क्या करते हो ?”

पति - “तुम्हारी पसंदीदा आइसक्रीम ‘केसर पिस्ता’ खा लेता हू या ‘अमूल नट्स’ खा लेता हूँ … और मेरी याद आने पर तुम क्या करती हो ?”

पत्नी - “मै भी ‘रॉयल स्टैग ’ का क्वाटर और तीन सिगरेट पीकर एक रजनीगंधा खा लेती हूँ।
😬😬पति बेहोश । 😂😂😂


*********


पत्नी--  जी सुनो, आपके लिए शर्ट लायी हूँ ।

पति --   अरे वाह...  बहुत बढ़िया है , कितने की लायी हो ?

.



पत्नी:- 7500 की साड़ी के साथ फ्री में मिली जी, शर्ट बहुत अच्छा लगा इसलिये मुझे मजबुर होकर साड़ी भी लेनी पड़ी 😂


*********


Principal:
Congratulations Chintu. You've scored 97% marks in 10th board exams. Tell your juniors the secret of your success

Chintu:
Actually when I passed 9th my dad got 2 smart phones one for
Himself and one for my mom and they both were busy in whatsapp then onwards. This avoided any noise at
Home and helped me concentrate on studies 
🤐😬


*********


पत्नी:- I Love U
       I cnt live without u!
मर जाउंगी...!
मिट जाउंगी..! 
जहर पी जाउंगी....!
तेरे प्यार में फनाह हो जाउंगी ..!

👨 पति;- 
देख ले जैसा तुझे ठीक लगे............
 ...😄😄 😝😜😜😜😜😜


*********


कर्मचारी : सर मेरी बीवी 5-6 दिनों के लिए मेरे साथ कहीं घूमने जाना चाहती है। छुट्‌टी चाहिए।

बॉस : नहीं मिलेगी।

कर्मचारी : थैंक्यू सर, मैं जानता था, मुसीबत में आप ही मेरे काम आएंगे। 
😎🙏🏻😀🙏🏻😀🙏🏻


*********


😅पप्पू नेपाली से – तुम अमेरिकन हो ?
नेपाली – नहीं, मैं नेपाल का हूं…।   
पप्पू – नहीं, तुम अमेरिकन हो|

नेपाली- नहीं भाई, मैं नेपाल काहूं…!.

पप्पू – नहीं, तुम अमेरिकन हो|
नेपाली (गुस्से में) – हां, मैं अमेरिकन हूं.
।
.पप्पू – लगते तो नेपाली जैसे हो…😝😝😝


*********


*💚Each Of Us Makes Our Own Weather Determines The Color Of The Skies In The Emotional Universe Which We Inhabit …*
💦💧💦💧💦❄💦💧💦💧💦
*💙YOU MAY GET DELAYED TO REACH YOUR TARGETS BUT EVERY STEP YOU TAKE TOWARDS YOUR TARGET IS EQUAL TO VICTORY” – KARL MARX*
💦💧💦💧💦❄💦💧💦💧💦
*💛My First Failure Created Fear On Me., But..! After my failure, A Success created more Fear to my Opponents” – Sachin.*
💦💧💦💧💦❄💦💧💦💧💦
*❤Life is too short to worry and too long to wait. So get up and get going and celebrate each day of your life with hardcore energy, as if there is no tomorrow.*
💦💧💦💧💦❄💦💧💦💧💦


*********


A 60 yr old Billionaire came to the Bar with his gorgeous 25 yr old wife!

Friend: How did she marry you?

Billionaire I lied about my age !

Friend: You said 45?

Billionaire:  No!   I said 90


*********


*_A WEDDING GIFT:_*

She married him today. At the end of the wedding party, her mother gave her a newly opened bank savings passbook, with Rs.100000 deposited in it. 

She told her, "My dear daughter, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your married life. Whenever something
happy and memorable happens in your new life, put some money in. Write down what it's about next to the amount. The more memorable the event is, the more money you can put in. I've done the first one for you today. Do the others with your husband. When you look back after many years, you will know how much happiness you've both shared.' 

She shared this with him after getting home. Both of them thought it was a
great idea and couldn't wait to make the next deposit!
This is what the passbook looked like after a while: - 
7Feb: Rs.10000, his first birthday celebration after marriage 
1 Mar: Rs.3000, she gets a salary raise 
20 Mar: Rs2000, vacation 
15 Apr: Rs.5000, She's pregnant! 
1 Jun: Rs.10000, He gets the big promotion and so on...

However, as the years went by, they began fighting and arguing over trivial things. They didn't talk much.

They regretted that they had married the most nasty person in the world. There was no more love. 

One day she talked to her Mother. 'Mom, we can't stand it anymore. We have decided to divorce. I can't imagine how I decided to marry this guy!' 

Her mother replied, 'Sure, that's no big deal. Just do whatever you want, if
you really can't stand it. 

But before that, do one thing remember the savings passbook I gave you on your
wedding day? Take out all money and spend it first. You shouldn't keep any record of such a poor marriage.' 

She agreed with her mother. So she went to the bank, and was waiting in the queue to cancel the account. 

While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record. She looked, and looked, and looked. Then the memory of all the previous joyful moments came back to her. Her eyes were filled with tears. 

She left and went home. When she got home, she handed the passbook to her hubby and asked him to spend the money before getting divorced. 

So the next day, he went to the bank, and was waiting in the queue to cancel the account. While he was waiting, he took a look at the passbook record. He looked, and looked, and looked. Then the memory of all the previous joyful moments came back to him. His eyes were filled with tears. 

He left and went home. He gave the passbook back to her. She found a new deposit of Rs.50000. And a line next to the record: 'This is the day I realized how much I've loved you throughout all these years. How much happiness you've brought me.' They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back into the safe.

Marriage is not a game, it's not easy but it's beautiful. You will fight and argue, this is normal, because the both of you came from different background, different homes and you both were raised by
different parents, beliefs and moral. So you cannot expect that everything you say will be accepted by your spouse without their opinion being tendered first. So before you give up, think back to the good times and to what brought you together in the first place.

Dedicated to all married couples.


*********


*बारिश और पत्नी दोनो शुरुआत में ही अच्छी लगती है।।।।।*

*बाद में,,,,,,*

*किच किच किच किच।।।।*

*ध्यान से हँसना कही पत्नी देख ना ले वरना ओले भी पड़ सकते  है !!!*
😊😊😊☺☺☺


*********


Teacher to 4 Year old kid : "What's your Mom's name?"

4 yr old kid : "Mom's last name must be Darling because that's what Daddy calls her every time...."

Teacher : "That's so sweet. What's her first name then?"

4 yr old kid: "I think it's Sorry...."


DEDICATED TO ALL MARRIED MEN

😂😂😂😂😂


*********


बच्चा :- पापा जैसे आप मुझे मारते हो.. क्या दादाजी भी आपको मारते थे.. 😟😟

बाप:- हाँ बेटा😜
😂


बच्चा:- तो ये खानदानी पागलपन कब तक चलेगा।😜😜😜😜😜


*********


ट्यूशन शिक्षक : अबे गधे, होम वर्क क्यूं नहीं
करता है तू
.
.
स्टूडेंट: तमीज से बात कर “साले
कस्टमर से ऐसे बात करते हैं क्या
😝😝😝😝😜😜😜😛😛😛😛


*********


3 दोस्त दारू पिने के बाद Auto wale के पास आते हैं 
.
Auto wale को पता होता है कि ये तिनो पिकर आए हैं, 
वो बस इंजिन चालू करके बंद करता है 
और कहता है हम पहुच गये 😀
.
पहला दोस्त उसे पैसे देता है,😎
दुसरा उसे धन्यवाद कहता है
.😊
.
तिसरा उसे जोरदार तमाचा जड देता है😕😈
.
.
.
Auto wale को लगता है की मैने जो किया वो शायद इसे पता चल गया .......फिर भी वो हिम्मत करके पुछता है😁
.
.
.
'क्यु मारा??'😚
.
.
.
.
तिसरा : अगली बार Auto धीरे चलाना.....!!!!!!😂😝😝😝


*********


पति--:   एक लेखक ने लिखा है की पतियो को
भी बोलने का हक होना चाहिए.. 

😁😁

पत्नी हँसते हुए...- देखो वो भी
बेचारा लिख ही पाया , बोल नही पाया .

😂😂😜😜😜😜


*********


क्या आप जानते हैं....?

ओलंपिक्स में पदक जीतने वाली सभी महिला खिलाड़ियों के कोच पुरुष हैं।

इससे ये साबित होता है कि,

जो औरतें पुरुषों की बातें सुनती और मानती हैं,
उन्हें जीवन में सफलता प्राप्त होती है !
और उनकी कीर्ति पूरे विश्व में फैलती है।

ये बात अपनी पत्नी को

नाश्ता करनेके बाद ही बताएं ....

औऱ फिर....

...तुरंत दफ्तर निकल जायें  ।।
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


*********


*💐Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction 
ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must, but take the step!*
💦💧💦💧💦❄💦💧💦💧💦
*🍒Food Tastes Better When Someone Else Makes It Because When You Make Your Own, 
You Anticipate Its Taste And Become Less Hungry.*
💦💧💦💧💦❄💦💧💦💧💦
*🌹Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die.*
💦💧💦💧💦❄💦💧💦💧💦
*🌺You Will Never Know Unless You Ask. 
You Will Never Find Unless You Search. You Will Never Reach Your Destination Unless You Start Now!*
💦💧💦💧💦❄💦💧💦💧💦


*********


✨✨👊👊✨

*After 15 years of marriage, a wife asked her husband to describe her.  He looked at her slowly and without blinking an eye, said:* *ABCDEFGHIJK.*
  *"What does that mean?" she asked.*   
*"Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fashionable, Gorgeous and Hot" he replied*.   
*Smiling, she asked: What about IJK?*   

*He replied: I'm Just Kidding!*


*********


मकान मालिक की चेतावनी,

बेटा पूरा साल तो तेरी बहुत बहनें आती है,

अगर रक्षा बंधन पर एक भी बहन 💃 नही आयी तो,
मकान खाली कर देना..
😉😜😉😜😉😜


*********